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Its been an odd week – weekend so to speak.
I thought I’d have a little more time to do things over the extended week since after Labour Day (Thursday), I had taken 2 days off, and then Sunday. But strangely, less-than-happy realization were given time to resurface after simmering for awhile.
I suppose its makes some sense and the lid had to come off at some point, but nevertheless it is not always what we sought for.
Perhaps my horoscope was right all those years ago concerning my job / career. I’ll stagnant if I stay too long, and right now the smaller things at work are beginning to get to me. I try and keep focus on the more positive aspects of work but it seems I become less of a designer if I don’t pour myself in the theatre industry (since I work in a theatre). It’s a pretty long story but in the end, I’d console myself into thinking – this isn’t what my intention for life is about.
Theatre was a good run and its okay if it comes to an end.
And that’s when a person has to realize, you’ve already let go.
I need to move on to stay myself and keep evolving.
This would be an ideal job if someone wants to have a grand scheme or design into the theatre industry as a writer, actor, director, performer, auteur, lover of the arts WITH moderate to skilled design skills.
But I’m a designer who’s fallen into theatre as a dabbler. I should have known I come with an expiry date if I’m unwilling to put up with drama-tics in the long run with little personal satisfaction from which is has to come from art, theatre that is – not design.
It help that I don’t like one of my colleagues as well :D.
Overheard "Where do you work?" "at an NGO" ... i think that how I should answer from now on.
But I still stand by the case, I need to find at least one good job before I tender my resignation here. It feels like the proper way,
I think I’ve ranted long enough on this.
Much to my own disappointment, I did not manage to get any illustrations done. This frustrates me. This angers me most of all about my weekend.
I spent too much just going out and catching up with friends. I could have headed back earlier, spent less on food, just … something that would be more suitable to the current lifestyle I’m trying to adopt.
But I didn’t,
On the other hand, I’ve been rather well behaved when it comes to gym time. I should do my gals like my gym. Dedicate non-negotiable nights with myself on when I illustrate at home.
I have little and no excuse really, to pander and test out my strength and the machines anymore at the gym. A month is up – and I’ve gotten some very good and helpful tips from a good friend, AJ over the past 2 weeks and I’ve started a sort of online progress journal of my physical pursuit.
Its slow … but I hope its steady.
To chalk up another sad mote to this already somber dirge of a weekend; is the sad fact we did not gather to d the Art Initiative as I have come to call it.
After a confirmation text message I sent out the day before and the reply that the girl is on holiday in Hanoi and could not make it, I was discouraged.
Truth be told, she did inform us of a holiday she had planned for Hanoi 2 weeks prior but the exact date wasn’t confirmed nor was there a few days worth of warning that for the coming weekend, she would be absent from the country.
As I understand it, she needed the holiday to Hanoi to get away from work related stress, but I had not come to see the Art Initiative as work nor stressful.
It would have been weird to the remainder of us (2) to continue as such because this was an invested project as a group and it would be more than just a formality but the spirit of things to keep the discussions as a group concerted effort.
So much for being consistent at twice a month; every 2 weeks.
Perhaps I had faltered again in my personal lessons in life and invested too much, too early. I could take it as it comes, but that would leave me with a lot of unaccomplished things and unresolved feelings. I cannot choose to resolve this like another person, that that ,,, the proper words escape me, … that would not make me who I am.
Some things more than others anyway.
That leaves me here on Monday.
Wondering how quickly the week will pass me by again and the list of incompleteness that will follow.
Highlight:
Met up for lunch with Sums
Found the DVD ‘Kiss Kiss Bang Bang’
Saw Iron Man (which was not a total disappointment even tho it had Robert Downey Jr.
Downside:
Another Art Initiative down the drain
A surprising clarity on why my current job taxes me
Didn’t manage to draw anything on my off-days
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Prose
Last days don’t come often.
I think that they come once, lest they be called
Last Days Again.
First times are virginal
Never the same is replied
Never shy on twice
Forever is a myth,
To understand limitless
Where there is none, but change.
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