Storm and Thunder

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Swept away by the Inevitable

For my blog absence, it’s a simple explanation.
I found facebook – or rather it found me.
Late as I may be to join the FB cult, it latches on quick, tight and deadly; and as the noose tightened, my online life seeped away. But I wouldn’t want to dwell on that here.
It’s the state of things that matter.

Work
With some glee and ennui, its remains constant. It’s a good thing, when all things are considered, altho’ I admit, I’m getting lazier by the day. But it happens everywhere that I begin to work. Job satisfaction is rare, but it gives the occasional boost to keep on grinding.

Photoshop CS3 (6 Nov)
Went to Mandatin Oriental Hotel, KLCC with an old friend, Mun Wai. Definitely worth the RM 15 carpark at KLCC (it was full at the hotel), overcrowded hall and reception and free admission.
The program gets more amazing with each application. It can incorporate BASIC sound files and animated / graphic video work. But the most impressive was (besides nicer interface) was … the application to read, edit and simple manipulation of 3D files.

Yes!
If I can ever afford the 4-digit price, now designers can maintain the market on perhaps, some interior dressing work and set design.

Relationships (6 Nov)

I changed the status quo from dating to friends with Derek.
It was much harder than I thought it’d be. Much, much more. But to my knowledge, it was never easy. Let’s hope friends works out better.
It just … didn’t work out – for me anyways, and if its not a 2-way road, its not a relationship.
I’m not certain it ended well, but it was late and perhaps we were cranky. There’s no perfect time to discuss and decide break-ups, should it be in the middle of a crisis or life. There’s no good time, and it had to be some time sooner than later.
I think I waited just a little too long.
I don’t know if there was a fog lifted but I have to begin getting a clearer vision or myself, and the person I want to ‘be’ and ‘be with’ in the years to come.
He wasn’t it.
He needs someone who can keep up with him, who can share his life with him - and that means everything that makes him who he is.
I wasn't the person.

I’ve learnt one thing if nothing else. I can’t do casual.
It either flirtation or a relationship for keeps.
I’ve never been very good at being moderate.
It’s a good reminder to oft tell myself to practice ‘Everything in moderation’ because it’s the hardest thing to do for me.

Reconnecting (oct - nov)
Priya K.
It was … almost like a reboot – to hear from hear (a phonecall from Penang: nov 6) yesterday night. She’s back in Penang for awhile with family. Its … good to know the thread still exists.
Colin K.
Well, I’m giving this the old heave ho’. (oct) Its hard to explain why I feel I want to reconnect with someone who’s perfectly able and well to never once expect to meet or greet again. But perhaps, I’m being selfish and wanting to tie any loose ends I have in my life.
Something … I can’t go about believing that people will always do the right thing even if its hardest when I can’t try my hardest.
If he’s willing to give me a chance, I’ll try and be a friend.
Its been awhile, maybe too long – but I got to try … until I can’t anymore.

Broken Promises
I broke my own promise.
I wouldn’t try and pursue any serious relationship. It appears than even causal ones can take its toll. I was suppose to begin working on myself but I think I’ve done very little to none.
Zilch.
Perhaps flirtation and all the perks of that, but I can’t handle another one. At least not now.
Of the most sacred, the promises to yourself are hardest to mend.

So where am I headed?

Stay tuned.

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Prose

I hate to be alone.
It is not the fear that there will be no one to hear.
But the fear I would have to listen to myself.