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Change of heartSo I had a chat (to catch up on each other) with my ex, Josh / Lewis last night.
And I'm changing my perception. I mean, to say - perhaps I have all along, slowly and surely but I'm pretty sure he summed it up pretty well by example what my current leanings are.
Gay relationships, or rather the nature of them are not what they are ideally anymore. At least not in practise here. Its really no longer about monogamy (Asia), and the average gay man doesn't believe in the tenets of a binding relationship.
The closest is to have a boyfriend but still maintain lovers.
Or threesomes, or orgies, or explicit sex with strangers without your partner present (but knowing).
Is that what the new gay youth are growing to believe if current practise has anything to do with it.
Keep fucking, but hope for love meanwhile. .... sigh ...
There's no such thing as a gay relationship lasting beyond 5 years, it just isn't possible in Asia ... its a myth ...
Fact: Straight asian men are commonly having male-to-male sex but still identify as straight because they're just having 'gun' whilst still fulfilling duties to their marriage, wives and children.
So where does that leave me? Given my current state of mind and affairs and the promise I made to myself.
Yea ... its time to break the fairy tale on its 'happily ever after'.
On the Side
I've offered to help out cute theatre student on his exam piece.
Should be fun. And I've yet to try and make-up for the lost make-out sessions.
It'll come ...
Work
I'm ... how to explain this?
Its like I'm mourning something at work. Every time I try to work, or begin to concentrate, things unravel and it becomes more of a chore than usual. Hence my commentary about my state of mind and situation. Perhaps I have made my own personal working environment unhealthy.
My hand at work did this.
I killed what little joy there was to enjoy work here at theatre.
Its the slacking, its the supposed depression, its the procrastination, its the slump, the rut, the molasses of productivity. slug slug slug
Is my personal life acerbating work?
I'm hoping I break out of this soon. Please.
ReadingYes, I can't believe it and it was a surprise to me when it was released. White Wolf Publications has re-written the wonderful world of Changeling (the Dreaming to the Lost).
Its different enough that it know it as NOTHING to do with the older oWoD book.
But its just as entrancing, darker and bright at the same time. Beautiful Madness.
And I just acquired it.
Yes ....
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Prose
Muster the cluster of Courage, said Knight to River,
Save the Princess in the face of the Moon.
For she fled with her lover, North wind too soon.
Before he gave his heart to her on a platter, of silver.
Such things be told, the stories of horror.
Of gutting oneself and beastly terror.
Radiant feeble hope is elusive.
Like the lessons passed from parent to child, abusive.
2 comments:
you are in a slump because you feel hopeless/depressed. you just have to believe in yourself and to look on the bright side - at least you have a job!
stop worrying about the "what-if's" and plan for the "how-about" and just do what you can with your current job! if need be, then perhaps it is time to say good-bye to said post and look for better or other options?
i do not know if that case is true, about gay men only thinking with their dicks but yes, most of them would just prefer to fuck and go...hence, why fuck buddies are the rage! that is...if you can fine one to begin with!
but, even with a long-term relationship, it does take effort not to feel bored or jaded... sigh... u know what i mean!
Options get harder as you get older, nes pas :p
... sigh ...
Lately, with the frequency of stories or weekly orgies (by those mostly over 25+), and rampant unprotected sex of those under 25+ as teenagers start coming OUT on the internet at an earlier age ...
Malaysian gay long term relationships do start to look rarer.
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