31 March 2008

Art, Life and Zents


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Art
So I had my real (by my count) - art initiative.
Nothing real hush hush of course so I don't mind divulging details but of course I can't really post any progress here unless its my own art project. But its good to know its able to start - get the ball rolling as they say.

Hmmm, I think I'll call it that. The Creative Initiative ... or something like that.
So we're off!
We started yesterday (
30 March 2008). As good a start as any day.
At
8:30 pm - Starbucks - Centrepoint, Damansara Utama.

Good preliminary although we are keen on a finding a proper work space that offers a good amount of privacy whilst still in public. I suggested Aunt Tracy's (Mage Cafe) since its well equipped to do work and it pretty much just regulars that frequent the place. So that's where we'll be meeting.

Twice a month sounds good enough, and we should really stick to it and have something each time if we want to finish all out personal projects by the end of the year. We'll see how this year pans out and if it does well, we could do with a couple more good heads!

On the list, currently:
Dann - Graphic Novel / Book
Florence - Concept Merchandise / Character Icon
Gary - Gay Tarot Cards (major Arcana)



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Love
... has a terrible sense of humour when it comes to me.
Like that cool,ultra post-modern aunt, that always forgets you because you're not one of the many drones that flock to her when she arrives.

Let's re-imagine that scenario.
Like watching the kettle boil, but it always does when its someone else's turn.
I don't think I'm worried about it, nor rushing for it - and like I've mentioned before I'm pretty sick of hearing the "
It will come to those who wait" theories. I'd much rather the "Go out and get it" approach.

I just need an approach, and I'm sorely lacking in the self-advertising department.
But I guess I'm going for a within to without direction.
Getting a better face care regime and joining a gym this week.
So should score my some points on the scale - HA HA!


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Zen
I feel zen-like one moment and in a flash its gone.
Akin to the expectation of bad news /good news. No matter how much peace you surrender yourself to prepare for it, when it comes, you end up shuffling between "I
ts okay, its okay, I can deal with this ..." to "What the FUCK!, What the HELL!, Who do I Fuck!"

Nothing has sparked this, not like when I was younger and everything would spark a reaction in between those extremes. Its nothing specific now - its general, like a floating feeling, that meanders and changes hue and colours whenever.

Good thing?
Or the onset of schizophrenia?

I talk to myself often, and I suspect people often do. If they don't, then I should listen closely to what I have to say in the quiet moments between desperation and inspiration. I even make voices for each person i have in a conversation with myself.
At random.
In the car, or while waiting. or both.
Its my gib when dealing with insanity.

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26 March 2008

Defoliate

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Statements
I’m beginning to abhor the anticipation of waiting.

I think I’m beginning to feel like I need to start to defoliate excesses from my life.

The Elaboration
My patience is … evolving. Some things like traffic begin to really irk me when I realize the journey is going to take me 15 minutes longer. And I do mean, making my heart go erratic and louder, the grip on my hard rubber steering grasp like an eagles claw and eyes boring past the windscreen at the world outside.

I’ve noticed I’m telling myself that I’ll probably only wait up to a maximum of another 20 minutes outside their house, waiting for their exit – when I’ve called in advance and told them approximately what time I’ll be arriving and confirming the time on arrival.
If I’m ever late, I’ll call or text message to say so, and even then I make that rarely.

I’m telling myself I should be nicer through the months, but m patience seems to be wearing thinner.

Is one an affectation of another?
Is this any better or worse for my sanity?

---

Maybe I feel like tings should begin. I thought I’ve gone past this.
Maybe I just need to get to the gym now, not next week. I should get the art projects now, not this weekend.
This horrible anticipation of things to come, and the ever-increasing fraught-ful thoughts of it slipping away just as easily and quickly, nips at me.
By the hour.

---

Its an abstracted emotion, I realize.
Nothing I can quite capture with words, metaphor or perspectives.

I’m getting mildly disgusted at the phrase “You’re not so old for ***”.
What the Fuck do they know really?
Are they in the industry I’m striving and struggling to enter. Have they any foothold, interest or remarkable experience in the world of fantasy / digital illustration that they can claim “one is never too old”.

While it rings true, it lack the premise of conviction because its out of context to their own perspective and experience. … because they mean well, with little constructive ability to relevant support.
But this understanding, no matter how much I know they mean well – I just get pissed off. I don’t go making flippant commentary about how late in their ‘little career’ they’re making off with.
Much less, the career they actually intended to pursue as a dream since childhood or the foolish indecisions of what a career was since college graduation. I bit my tongue.

So there you have it: the appreciation of a finer, more tactful tongue – fueling a fiery anger beneath.

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Prose

Fingers laced lattice shadows across the small of her back.
The crook of the neck, visible from the shortened clumps of hair on the nape.
That is why, I take them from behind.
That is the virtue of taking.
Preserving their beauty.
If only they would sit still, long enough.
But they do eventually – as the last airy gasps for air is prevented release.
No escape from this eternal beauty I give them.



24 March 2008

Gripe & Reason

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Project Rant, kinda.

Ok, ok- so it isn’t major but I just thought I’d want to share my thoughts with the digital gods.

Florence asks me to begin with her and her friend she’s roping in to begin a ‘art think tank’ of sorts. Now of course, all credit for this suggestion goes to her and I’m pretty psyched about it.

Mainly because of what the goals of the art union would be.

It’s a small nuclei of shared minds in design – we could branch to do some pro bono work but primarily, its for us. It where we get together and really put our minds to produce art and project pieces that’s too big to handle alone or without support.

I sat down for one session and discussed the ground rules when we begin
1. We all invest.
a. We should all have someone at stake. A personal art project that we couldn’t accomplish alone or simply could find the time, prolonged enthusiasm and support we needed before. This is the time to take something that sways dear and near but never done to you and DO IT!
b. The more personal it is, the more invested it be comes. And if everyone has something in it – then we all have nothing to lose and we all have something to commit to.

2. Consistency
a. We always meet up even when we’re busy with work or life. At least once (hopefully twice) a month and we HAVE something. Even the smallest little thing. We have to be consistent in our meetings.
3. There is no EGO
The work is definitely the person who brought it to the table, but it WIL be open to scrutiny and we have to accept we can’t always treasure out ideas like unborn children. It must weather and survive the rigors of others to grow up better for the effort. One work is never better than the others.
4. There is no such thing as a bad idea.

Everything is workable. There is improbably but no impossible, no matter how silly, we will consider it until it doesn’t become viable. Everything we discuss is possible unless there’ s a better way (which there often is!)

And those are just the top of my head.
I think she may regret asking me.

I’ve been calling her at least one a week every week since our first meeting to ask her wh
en we get started. I mean, the point is to get something started and finish it no matter what. It’d be ironic doing this for no result, since it was suggested to defeat that very incident.

And I’m still calling.


Tarot

I want to go a Gay Tarot – Still do , still wanting to finish it.


Pride

I’m kinda happy I managed to produce this piece of art.
It’s a commission piece for sure, and one of my few illustration commissioned jobs of my life, but I like this one.

I did this after a busy day of work, at home up to the wee hours of the morning, 4 am ish.
Tired, dredged up, and with the implicit direction of making it look … “Frank Miller’-ish.

I think I did ok. Its still a little messy (as in the little white bits in the
black I didn’t clear up because I was half blind at 5 am) – but its all good in the end!
And I’m happy I did it.

Warning: Gruesome, violent content.


Super

I’ve always wanted to wake up and discover I had powers, but I could decide or place exactly what powers I’d like … or what kind of superhero I’d be.

How about you?







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Prose

Security Scrutiny Scrotum
Switchboard Lovers across the board
Allay the sashay of language and speech
The colour of violence we long live and preach.
Instead to live.
Instead to breathe.
In spite of horror we bear and bore. To settle an invisible, forever score.

21 March 2008

Flies like time, bananas are fruits

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De-Event

So its been pretty much eventful over the past weeks.

Good, no?
Or not?

Feels like I'm waiting for something. I'm pretty sure we've all been there. While we whilst the hours away of out lives, there lie something lurking beyond the corners of time.
Biding and waiting.

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There's a couple of things.

There's the detailed information about the 'Poetry Slam' i was invited. Getting both nervous because I don't know when it is, how much I have to prepare or wether its going to be held or not without more information than a reply to a informal invite through the facebook email.

Daphne, longtime icon (and PA to the Dato herself) - is finally leaving to get married in one of the biggest churches in Cologne, Germany. Go google it - its FABULOUS!
Like most of the wonderful CG model structures for the Space Marines / Sisters of Battle WarHammer 40 K Cathedral like structures.
So that way.

Ever heard of Castle Crashers?
Check it out!

Altho' I'm still waiting for more in-depth look at SIMS 2, Meiers SPORE, the release of Age of Conan and hopefully Disciples 3.

My re-ignition for the love of table-top gaming, since Gygax's passing and my revival of the 2nd Ed rules game!

Starting a Gym next month - for sure!
Got a friend lined up to help me get started. I'm trying to motivate myself but taking monthly pictures of myself in the bathroom mirror. Hopefully the embarrassment will keep my going.
Seriously.


Saving up for a new computer OR a trip to Thailand. Hopefully both.

STILL waiting for the people at Amazing Race: Asia 3.
Yes, yes - I'll be patient.

ALSO waiting for my friend to get back to me on the personal art projects we were to get started on and motivate ourselves to finish by investing in each others work. ... ... ...

Having the most emotionally crushingly romantic daydreams out of nowhere - at random over the past week.
I just tell myself, I'll indulge in them. No more moping about fantasies, just ride it through and keep it where it is
. A fantasy.
Healthy, yes?

Actually feeling like I can do some better illustrations in a long time.

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Ponderance

So where does that leave me?


What am I waiting for, where am I waiting?
Why do I feel like I am ... in the wings for something. Not necessarily greater but pertinent to wherever I am, whenever I am. I know this doesn't sound coherent and I am probably rambling.
But maybe this is natural state for me.
Like for everyone else out there to which we expect better or more out of life?
or maybe its for those of us, who are never sated by our own life experiences, which is not altogether bad.
Maybe we need to strive to find ways to fulfill it.
Maybe thats what makes the journey worth it.


Maybe ...

Have you asked yourself today, what you did that made you happy?

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Prose

Hickory, Dickory, Tock

Three mice wandered a clock.
All blind, all cold, they all were told.
To run up the clock at one.

Hickory, Dickory, Tock
We men of the world, took stock
Our lives run amok, never do what we're told.
And the clock fell upon us at one.

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Supreme Indulgence -

I just realized what specific sort of guys i like.

Sigh - the following three ...
They all have a wicked sense of humour.
A mischievous streak to their nature.
Ken is also a screenwiter!
Nathan is a Sci-Fi Buff!
James passionate about his sports!

Could I just mish-mash them all into the perfect guy .... (( sigh ))



17 March 2008

Blow Hot, Suck Cool

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Just 'cause
Nothing seems fair. I know, I like telling myself that occasionally. There's a whole, sound truth to it, because it equally questions 'What is 'fair?"
I'll cut myself off, but answering ... "The opposite of dark".
It keeps me happy in small doses about my life.

Icy Work
Basically thats how I feel about work. Milking out the hours and pay for all I can - while feeling little for the craft.
Not the kindest of environments, and getting less and my favourite people are gradually seeping out into the world away from this current workplace. Maybe I'll do some good - perhaps ... there'll be something that catches my eye fleetingly so, enough to keep up the ember sparks of creativity.
But like sparks, it flares too small, too infrequent and too feeble in the wind.

Hot flashes

... of love. I know it sounds maniacally and certifiably insane.
but it happened.
I've been having new dreams lately. Really romantic ones. Sensual and romantic minus the clouded passion of lust. Just tenderness ...

I'm too young for hot flashes!






Poetry in Motion
I'm still waiting - kinda excitedly for them to tell me when the Poetry Slam meet is.
I want an tangible date to look forward too, since I feel like I'm on the verge of writing again. I need somethings to realize it, like a cooling mold for hot metal slag.

2nd Ed. Dungeons & Dragons
Its good.
Its a revival and its revitalizing.
Thank you ...

Impatience
COMEONYOUDARNPEOPLEATAMAZINGRACEASIA3HURRYUPWITHTEHRESULTS!!!

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11 March 2008

Warning: this product has nasty side effects

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Bad Day
Just having a crappy mood.
Crappy day – whatever.

Started last night.


Felt totally bummed out because one of my artpieces was reported as violating the ToS for their website. Which is cool – even if I borderline skirted the violation anyways.
But mainly it was the reason that bummed me out.
It was something along the lines of “Copying another artists work…



That had me angry for a flash then terribly insulted because I had just spent a chunk of my time (an hour or two) on just doing the face of the image.
I wanted to improve my art. I normally try and I finish a whole piece in one sitting under 2 hours because it gets tiring since I sit in front of computer all day only to go home and spend more time in front of my computer doing art work which I love.

Sigh.

Then my Dad gets on my back by being “helpful”.
Cutting out newspapers clippings of NEW jobs offers. Did I mention, he writes little notes of the sides of the A4 paper sheets that he neatly pastes the individual articles on?
Notes about when would be a good time to apply, etc …

And soon after, starts an argument on the phone with my Mom

And then traffic has to suck in the morning, but I’m used to that.

Printer calls while driving on my way to work. I need to rush to the office and get them the colour print code that they forget to confirm with me when they met me the evening before to show me the proofs.

At my desk, some schuck left front door open all morning apparently. So I’m swatting with my barehands every few minutes to catch ALL the DAMN mosquitoes plaguing my desk!!! I sit closest to
the entry way, closest to the door and the heat from my computer is keeping them from roaming deeper into the rest of the office.

BUT

Let’s at least have one good thing to announce today.

I got a surprising e-mail from my facebook. They’ve invited me to participate in KL’s second Poetry Slam.
Wow …. Just wow ….
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poetry_slam

And a friend offered to help me out getting started at the gym again :p
When I join next month of course. :D

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05 March 2008

Gygax


I saw this one Penny Arcade comics in memory of Gary Gygax.
And I decided to make one now, at work.
It be nice know each one of us has met, played, fought a red dragon and to count each one into a fleet of red dragons who would mourn his passing.
This is my red dragon.


- - -

In Memory of Gary Gygax, Father of Role-Playing (Table-Top)
1938 - 2008

I remember my first Gnome Rogue 20 years ago. Created at level one, died at level one. I hope he makes good company for Gygax in ‘The Seven Heavens’.

To a great GM, who’s passing most aptly departs this world on GM’s day to tnother world. He will be missed and he legacy will live on.

A few words: Gaming inspired me to read. To learn more than what school curriculum books had to offer. It was a gift that could be passed on and cherished through the years. It helped me feel included into a world where children and awkward teenagers often felt excluded. It made me appreciate my rich fertile imagination. Thank you.

Keep Rolling.

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Links:

RPG NET
http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?t=382650

CNN Online
http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/03/04/obit.gygax.ap/index.html

EN-World (Gaming with Gary)
http://www.enworld.org/showthread.php?t=204729

Giant in the Playground (OOtS)
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0536.html

YAHOO News
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080304/ap_en_ot/obit_gygax

Wizards of the Coast
http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/welcome

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