--------Flightpath
"The trajectory of a moving projectile mass relative to a fixed reference."
"The precise route taken or due to be taken through the air"
Shoudln't we all have had it this easy?
Destiny, karma, fate
"The inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person or thing is destined."
Do we really believe in this?
Wings of the Sea
I'm entranced by this memory sometimes. This early memory of watching an early piece of digital animation at its infancy back in the days. This story that seemed to capture every other moment in my past, future and present.
There's a clear bubble that hands in space someplace, and the globe is divided into two parts. The lower and upper half is segmented by a clear thin glass as well. Above, the birds fly free and in groups and families. Below, the fishes swim in clusters and much abandon.
But one inhabitant from each side seems to recognise a kinship.
And as close as they can veer to the glass bibble separation, you can see the exchange on wonder, awe and questions. They show each other things, like wings and fins and have flight/swim competitions but can never beyond that barrier.
To keep this short, the bird crashes down from on high to shatter the glass and the two worlds collide and intermingle.
But the concept, the visual, the memory of that world.
Its stays with me.
I think its been with me since I saw it back ... about 15 years ago, or maybe longer.
Sypnapsi
Never forget, I am told.
I see that message often, but I don't believe there are things to remember sometimes.
Focus
I have Jonathan Togo, Eric Szmanda, Sean Maher, Steve Bacic wallpaper looking back at me. I chose the more casual shots of them, unposed, smiling or caught in a moment. That sparkle in their eyes that say more than 'pose'.
Do I have that 'sparkle' ?
Do I relate to the world around me, or at least give something of a seeming? Is it a glamour?
Am I real relative to my environment?
Does the mirror show me to myself who I really am? Am I what I pretend to be?
Ask yourself.
---
Prose
I'm not sure I can do it, Grand Auntie.
I know some nights you listen and others you don't. Sometimes you even have a cloud over your eye and I pretty sure you really don't want to listen but I guess I'm just persistent then.
Tell me Grand Auntie - you seem so sure.
You have so many names, and you fulfill them all. Am I worthy of the one I have? Can I say with pride the name I was given, to live up to it?
I pray when you're silent. Though you are aloft on high, you are always my constant. It doesn't matter how many courtiers you entertain in the nights. It does not matter how high and far away you discern me with your critical white eye. I find security in you.
How are your cataracts?
Does it bother you, or blind you to my faults? Is that why I keep repeating them? Grand Auntie?
Tonight, I'm full of empty questions. I have to have my answers. I can no longer sleep without you touching my skin in the darkness. I can no longer tolerate the dark Uncle who scares me every night, in the middle and haunts me till dawn.
I think he see's me everywhere in the darkness. Even when I'm playing with my thoughts of drowning. I constantly search for you. I'm so far beneath you, I feel humbled by your distant grace, Grand Auntie.
Can you take me with you when I leave? I have no bags to pack. I'm a simple person, but with many complex thoughts. Maybe I'll be punished for having so many thoughts. I will take my pillow. I don't like neck aches when I wake up. But I suppose I'll always be sleeping in your palace.
Your cold white palace.
Tell me about where you live again, Grand Auntie.
Tonight, hold out your arms to me. Receive your dutiful child, when I return.
Tonight, Grand Auntie.
I come home.
"The trajectory of a moving projectile mass relative to a fixed reference."
"The precise route taken or due to be taken through the air"
Shoudln't we all have had it this easy?
Destiny, karma, fate
"The inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person or thing is destined."
Do we really believe in this?
Wings of the Sea
I'm entranced by this memory sometimes. This early memory of watching an early piece of digital animation at its infancy back in the days. This story that seemed to capture every other moment in my past, future and present.
There's a clear bubble that hands in space someplace, and the globe is divided into two parts. The lower and upper half is segmented by a clear thin glass as well. Above, the birds fly free and in groups and families. Below, the fishes swim in clusters and much abandon.
But one inhabitant from each side seems to recognise a kinship.
And as close as they can veer to the glass bibble separation, you can see the exchange on wonder, awe and questions. They show each other things, like wings and fins and have flight/swim competitions but can never beyond that barrier.
To keep this short, the bird crashes down from on high to shatter the glass and the two worlds collide and intermingle.
But the concept, the visual, the memory of that world.
Its stays with me.
I think its been with me since I saw it back ... about 15 years ago, or maybe longer.
Sypnapsi
Never forget, I am told.
I see that message often, but I don't believe there are things to remember sometimes.
Focus
I have Jonathan Togo, Eric Szmanda, Sean Maher, Steve Bacic wallpaper looking back at me. I chose the more casual shots of them, unposed, smiling or caught in a moment. That sparkle in their eyes that say more than 'pose'.
Do I have that 'sparkle' ?
Do I relate to the world around me, or at least give something of a seeming? Is it a glamour?
Am I real relative to my environment?
Does the mirror show me to myself who I really am? Am I what I pretend to be?
Ask yourself.
---
Prose
I'm not sure I can do it, Grand Auntie.
I know some nights you listen and others you don't. Sometimes you even have a cloud over your eye and I pretty sure you really don't want to listen but I guess I'm just persistent then.
Tell me Grand Auntie - you seem so sure.
You have so many names, and you fulfill them all. Am I worthy of the one I have? Can I say with pride the name I was given, to live up to it?
I pray when you're silent. Though you are aloft on high, you are always my constant. It doesn't matter how many courtiers you entertain in the nights. It does not matter how high and far away you discern me with your critical white eye. I find security in you.
How are your cataracts?
Does it bother you, or blind you to my faults? Is that why I keep repeating them? Grand Auntie?
Tonight, I'm full of empty questions. I have to have my answers. I can no longer sleep without you touching my skin in the darkness. I can no longer tolerate the dark Uncle who scares me every night, in the middle and haunts me till dawn.
I think he see's me everywhere in the darkness. Even when I'm playing with my thoughts of drowning. I constantly search for you. I'm so far beneath you, I feel humbled by your distant grace, Grand Auntie.
Can you take me with you when I leave? I have no bags to pack. I'm a simple person, but with many complex thoughts. Maybe I'll be punished for having so many thoughts. I will take my pillow. I don't like neck aches when I wake up. But I suppose I'll always be sleeping in your palace.
Your cold white palace.
Tell me about where you live again, Grand Auntie.
Tonight, hold out your arms to me. Receive your dutiful child, when I return.
Tonight, Grand Auntie.
I come home.
5 comments:
tehehe I know I'm not what I pretend to be. can't answer for you tho :P
and no, you don't sound "that estranged" and I still think the blog is a good outlet for you in many ways. You do however sound like your walking a particularly difficult mental labrynth so I thought it would be worth planting the thought about outside help. for some future time when you do feel that you are ready or truly need it, if nothing else. I know what its like to feel like you're alone in dealing with all your problems and, seamingly, half the worlds to boot. and i know it's not a pleasant feeling.
Life is awfully tricky that way.
And there's no cheat code for it online either .... yet.
Chalk that up for human ingenuity.
Ahh, now I see some potential complications for any future partner of mine. My mental labyrinth is be a hard to get and get into, and worse yet - how to get out!
Its weird, I dont feel alone with all these complications. In fact, I dont think I've ever really felt alone with my problems. I'm very accepting of the fact that there will be problems and they are mine and I'm ok with others helping me, but of course ... its mine, so there's no feeling of loneliness.
Which begs the question. The difference between isolation and alone.
(( hugs ))
all in all, thank you.
I appreciate it muchly.
:) *hug* anytime
omgs, love the prose!
(grand aunties. awesome.)
Rav'n
:D :p :p :p
Pat
Thanks you :D I guess it does sound like something you might like :D
Do you know who (what?) Grand Auntie is?
Think I should read it ?
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