Flesh and bones

---
I feel weird.

I didn't manage to sleep last night.

Ramblings
It was the voices both within and without. I had to balance so many things out. Money, time, petrol, sleeping space, friends, acquaintances.

Marketplace
It was the event last night.
Invitations to a hard to find place (nice tho') along Jalan Yap Kwan Seng. There was this FInlandia event, free booze, gay-o-rama men everywhere (for the 4 day gay May events startoff).
And a Jonathan Cheng show, followed by a Private Structure model show with tanned male muscular hunky doro handsome belong to TV faces Filipino models.
Yea ... its was fun but also depressing.
Even through the fun of watching guys lick shots off their bodies.

What is with me, that this shit depresses me.
A reminder what I could have become but is still looking in from the fringes of. Uncertain whether I want or should belong. What the Fuck! Is this 'my' community and what the hell am I feeling so ambivalent and divided about it!

Celebrities.
And yes, I did see some faces from the past, faces of some who are curreny celebrities. Were they hob nobbing, just having fun or mixing it all together - business and pleasure. This includes ex's as well.
So fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck

I can't articulate to right now, the quiet turmoil thats churning somewhere in the depths of my unsettled bowels.
Maybe when it passes ... when sleep embraces me again.

Strings attached
I can't move on and be 'beyond this' when there's a remainder of what what was and how it felt to be there before. How easy to return and have little qualms ... there's nothing wrong about it, I can't judge it, i've no sense ot perspective, real perspective on this.
But I can't.
It isn't really good for me.
There's so much of myself I didn't like.
Don't want to like.

Add more expletives here.
*&#@%$

I heard one positive thing today tho' courtesy of my friend, the director who sits behind me.
"If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off"
---

Prose
I have no reason to deny the coiling little lie that breeds and feeds on my insecurities. Living off the sights in my eyes, the sounds in my ears, the sick pittish feeling in my belly, it basks and radiates in lush fattening diet. It never grows too big, careful not to burst the host - some would call it parasitic but its strange to find out in soft and sudden realization that is symbiotic. I loathe the parts that I love.
Perhaps I should die, to starve it.
I can't die young when the tendrils still caress my rapidly aging insides. Youth was a luxury, a faded memory which my cells recall like yesterdays breakfast.
Its plush.
This corruption of mine.
Fat, disgustingly plush.
Leave me alone.

Werds

---

Readings
After a short stint at work, I managed to go with a colleague of mine (sandee) to a reading in Lucky Garden. (oh I had a great conversation with her over lunch too, thanks :D)
Several things came to mind.
I met the hot looking Kenny. He's so much hotter in person than his photo's admit online admit to. Yea, I'd shag him.
I was feeling weirded by people who were introducing me around. I believe there were notables in the industry I was introduced to which were probably important names to know, but I knew were that they did something, somewhere, sometime and were probably good at it. And here I am being introduced to them.
I feel like a fraud, like I shouldn't be introduced to professionals in their industry, which me quaint dabbling and attempts to foray into their territory. I have stuff for sure, and I'm pretty proud of them but I wouldn't want ANYONE to get the wrong idea that I'm experienced or any good. Let's face it, let's not lie - I don't know much about all this ... less about the giants in the industry and less so about the business itself. But Heck and Hell, I'm know this is something I wanna try regardless ... even if it all feels bigger than I am.
And this guy I met, Kok Ting, he's this uhmmm ... something to do with music.
Yea, he turns me on. :D
Maybe its the way he speaks.
The last thing that occurred to me ...
This is one of the most opportune platform to perform and test my monologues and dialogues (Oh my!). Yes ... I will try to arrange with Sharon? / Bernice? to have a reading in June or July.
Oh my , oh yes , oh dear.
What am I getting myself into?
I love it.

Telling times
I have evening meetings appointments which will probably make me miss "Tell-tale heart". I would have liked to see it for its appocahed actually but ... alas.
Sigh
On the other hand, I will be gone for a week.

Trials up north
Monday; Full day of work
Tuesday: Intended shopping, meeting in evening at work
Wednesday: Supposedly day off (home business)
Thursday: To Penang for show and bump-in
Fruday: Penang
Sat and Sun: Penang
Monday: Back ... and hopefully day off.
Tuesday: Back to work

I suddenly don't feel like I have any weekends or actual real days of anymore.
Double sigh.

Tales
I have an inkling of a story.
About the moment a wooman realizes she may be in love.
With her gay best friend.
I'm not sure, its obviously what I have to realize and research more about, but yea.
We shall see.

Dominoes
Please, to whatever shapes the universe in this world and beyond.
Make do with what you have of me, and make things fall in place ... at least into some semblance I can understand.

---

Prose
I walked in a cold room, intentionally.
I would have turned on the heat, if I knew what would warm me.
Warm this cold intuition, the still exact observation.
Far from clinical, closer to intimacy
I wish I knew.
Why I walked in the cold room.
I can't say I know, but I know I did not wonder.
I didn''t have the need, there was not wanting.
Just the motions of one foot before the other.
Touching the cold frame of the door before the cement plates.
Chill.
Tell me why.
Don't rush, just whisper to me.
Why do I return to you.

Attached to the Flesh

---

There's something about the institution of marriage I don't quite trust. Like Valentine's and how it has become commercial. But I do love the idea of a public celebration of commitment.
I am in love with the grace of it, the message it promises.
I would be obsessed if I had the money to indulge in it or if they had 'Gay Marriage Magazines'.
Well, just a bit.
Oh shut up!
You know would to give half the chance to keep it a secret from the world.

Sneaky tits
It all boils down to wether we can skirt close or as far away from discovery, does it.
Its all relative - the further we are from slef-accountability, the more balls we get. (Yes, you women have them too; fleshier & higher placed too)

Never really there
I'm treading between mediocre work and deadlines.
There's pride to be found someplace there 'tween as well but its too quickly and too commonly an excuse to just perform. And to perform satisfactorily to someone else's expectation. Apply this theorem to everything shitty in your so called 'professional' working life.
Then sigh, take deep breathes and grind away again - while the media proposes otherwise.
Hypocrites! All of us.

Vows
"Do you promise to be there for all the fuck-ups even though it wasn't your fault and take blame for shit that happens even when you realize you are responsible and don't care?"
Yea, I need him to say "I do" to that.
At the aisle, in front of everybody.
That'll do.
And I'll be happy.

Imoortality and Eaternity
I feel like I want to see everything in any and several lifetimes, but I wouldn't like to know I'm outliving experiences either.
Crap.
Not quite a blessing, glancing as a curse.


Hub bub
So the drama.
Yea, I'm in Sentral Drama Sentral.
Oh yea.
So why aren't I getting any guy-on-guy loving in theatre.
Bastiches.
Yes, this is my swearing post.
So eff-off.
No, really and hopefully shoot up on me.
Try it.
I'm tasty.

Words
I wonder what it will sound like to perform all my prose and tiny bits of poetry in a long string together. How would it sound? A cacophony? Enlghtening, chaotic nad alarmingly bizarre and eccentric.
I tell you what? I'll try it.
When there's a poetry reading / performance reading - I'll try and be there to do it.
Or just fuck it all up in the car on the way there and improv the whole batshit thing.
Now, kiss me you fool.
Feel me up and plant me white seedlings of lurve.
---

Prose: Ode to Lurve

Beat beat beat
The heart or the penis
Suck suck suck
Life juices both abstract and literal
My ode
Ode to lurve.

Ground my heels to the sky
Touch pits and tits
Love love love
Will be my fuck fuck fuck
My load
Load of lurve.

Flagging for lapping
Tongue swirling to heaven
Woo hoo hoo
Please pleasure for sure
My body
For lurve.

This is my load,
Eat my ode,
for lurve.

Imprudent Choices Acct.

----

Spin Doctor
Because I feel theres so much on the table right now. So many beats to listen to, so much choice of rhythm and tracks. The sheer experimentation possiblity of mixes, fades and reverbs ...
Each one distinct but harmonising together.
What do I do?
I don't want someone to tell me what to do because I see so many choices, it would make me lose whatever virtual control I may already have on this decision. Its a delight to be taciturn in these matters but alas, alas, alas.

Focus
Its the buzz word for now.
At least I believe it for what I need, so I can find some sort of decent direction, path, journey, destibnation, whatever!

Class in Session
There looks to be a great class at Sentral Market soon. By Instant Cafe, I think. End of May.
Only 12 seats, RM 100 for 2 weekends (Sat & Sun) mornings.
Send in sample writing - learn how to write and develop scripts for theatre, and playwrights.
Shit!
I work Saturdays. I can't commit to it, unless I take 2 days off (both Sat's) which is a damned shame of a bummer coz I'm technically still on probation and I'm already taking 4 days off in May to go to Penang for the ToS "Screwed' production.
Shit, shit shit.

Next
Yea, the movie with Nicholas Cage as a magician who can see the possibilities of the future.
It sounds ... B - gradish.
More and more so, everytime i read or hear about it.
A mish-mash of B styled themes and popular culture thrown together with a dash of current tings and latest fads, stuffed with a boatload of hodge podge of cliches.
Bla bla bla
That about sums up my feelings.
He should do porn ... oh I dont know .... for for fuck's sake I guess.
And yes I made a pun ... :D
And I won tickets.

Warriors of Thespia.
I should probably journal out some progress on things.
But I know I'm bad at it so let's not pretend about it.
La dee la.
I'm reviewing some of my written material (scripts) to see if any of it is good enough to be re-written or adapted or just tuned up for a 20 - 30 minute piece. What kind of development cana ut use ot need in that span of time?
If nothing else, what needs to be told. Or I'll just wink about and find something to drive the play further. Its about the story, the performance, the piece, about everything in the end. But winding down to one simple note.
It has to begin and end there.

Wordy Gurdy
I like the word 'delegate'.
Its just unfortunate I dont get to do that much.
---

Prose
We'll go to the dreaming
In a state caught, in the nets of asleep and awake
We'll see the mother eye of the moon,
And her father's burnished copper coin, on the shoreline.
Craggy grumpy jagged shadows
Old mama's wrinkles crinkling in tune and time.

We'll go to the nation
Svelte lips of the mountains, laced with seeds
Badges of honor worn by thrushes,
Red with pride, purple of exhaustion.
We see,
We know the mother's pride,
her winking knowing eye to old mama.
Women secrets, they mirth and cackle
The father stoic, determined and boldly drawn still.

We'll go to the dreaming
Black flavour of poppies, sparkle dark on snow
You see me, wandering the silver moon,
Holding womentalk to my bosom close
Naked, 'cept the words written on skin.

Sullen sycophants

---

Lace and Leather
It rains everyday and then when the sun comes out, the glares full on the wrath of its heat.
Like scenes from the memory.
Because I remember what it was like before, mulling about the house trying to get things, always between the mishap fo resting and wanting more and the greedy need to do something, anything. I know what its like now, wanting to return to that state as well.
We always want to go back to the other side, green or not.
Because its familiar.

Workloss
Besides my sanity - which I probably should have seen coming a mile away, from erractic 'creative' types and drama-donnas!
A good friend of minen lost his job today.
Yeah, I know he was on probation and companies are liekly to fire you on the very last month coz they still wanna use you anyways, coz they're too lazy to look for a replacement meanwhile. But it makes me think how tenous my work here is.
I'll help him find something.
I should be careful, regardless of how much work they may give me here - pushing aside the deadlines that stretch beyond my probation deadline, I know I should tread carefully still here. There are no promises in this life. No real ones, just thin veils of hope.

Staging Area
I don't believe I'll divulge the kind of drama that went on during my production. There's a time and place for that and that moment is sitting with me for a drink out in the open revelling in face to face laughter and momentous shared humility in the industry.
But its over for most part.
Most part.
Till the trip to Penang - and the twelve gods help me keep peace of mind on play there.

Ambitions
Maybe it is.
I'm nurturing this feeling, that I want a production. I don't care wether its in my name. And frankly (with george), I don't really care how my name appears, should it appear - but I want somebody's stories told.
Thats what it feels like.
Right now, the voice of "Kung Tau Fu" is telling me tales, whispering her dreams of dying.
I crave to hear her speak through an actor, to see her light up on stage virtue to the lighting designer, the stage manager to call her on-stage for her limelight and her close-up on the dressing room. Can I find a producer who's willing t lend her the block to which to stand and face the world?
I long for the tiny hushes of her family, however broken and misunderstood - her comrades-at-arms in this sexual war of misconprehension and misunderstanding.
Even if I don't hear the applause, the deafening claps, the clamour of the audience; I know secretly, the silent breathes are more than I already need .... or have.
Her story is told.
And she can die in peace.

Emo-schemo
I cried running her lines last night while driving to pick up a friend for a drink.
I drew her into me and allowed her to use my tongue.
And I was bereft when she left. But I had to let her leave, or I would be too swept up.
I need to be careful.
So I don't slap every member of the audience who doesn't 'get' it.

How would I be?
I don't know how I'll be if left to lead people. I don't think I ever really have, at least not in full capacity. Maybe it won't even occur to me in the end.

Notice.
Yes, for all of you.
I will be opening a slot in my planned production next year. It seems really far away but its not. I have to find a producer, auditions, stage manager and sponsors. If you take auditions into account, the final FULL finished, prim and polished script has to be in, much less than a year. Months ahead if I'm lucky.
So if you have any stories you feel empowered to tell - tell them,
If not to anyone, then to me if you can.
But make sure it really belongs to them, the character.
Their voice, not yours.
And remember its about self discovery like all things, but in this instance - it will drive us all. Sexual discovery, awakenings and broken veils.
Please.
And I will beg no more.
---

Prose

" ... i will feel no more pain"
" ... i only cause pain"
" ... i am the mistress of evil"
" ... always have, until my last ..."
" ..."

Millieu in Dance Steps

Failings
So my blog is refusing to post up pictures Its not matter, its not like it really makes that much on a contextual difference, since it was really for aesthetics meanderings really.

Catching up
There's a whole lot, I know.
There's still artwork, gift arts, scripts, stories, games, characters, gods, worlds etc ...
But I've not strayed too far and I can reel myself back in now that I'm somewhat settled in my new place of work. Somewhat is being empasized here IF you didn't know already.
Sorry - being condesceing, gawd, I hate it when its meant sincerely.
Don't worry, you're not too far off yourself from knowing what I mean.
Patience, grasshopper.

Dramatics
As usual, showtime is this week. Wish us many broken legs and for some of us ... broken dreams, Particularly one cast members, though I suspect a few more will follow. If nowhere else, but that deep recess of a list I call 'respect'.
I've been fraternizing a bit more with the tech and production end of things, and I'm emphatizing way too much with them. I've started to get quietly angry for the same reasons both with them and for myself.
I'm going to be a mean, mean, nasty mother-fucka of a stage manager (sigh)
And here I thought I'd have to learn to be nicer and more ... tactful.
If nothing else subtle.

Professional tact
Which does bring me to my next point.
Whether or not I'll attempt my hand at stage management, directing or even producing - I think there will be a mystery murder. Perhaps even a multiple homicide. Its in the stars. And all over them. Fallen stars, dead actors, at my own hands - when I strangle them for incompetence and attitude problems!

Smidgen and dabbles
I want to sing.
I want to direct.
I want to produce.
I want to stage manage.
Its suicide to want to do all four at once of course. I'm anything but suicidal, homicidal maybe, not not slashy slash slash. No offence to emo'ers out there. You do what you have to.
I believe 3 are doable in the recent future.
I have plays.
Some are half fetched but I love them all. The diffficulty know is to choose favourites.
And we all now, even parents have favourites no matter what they tell the world.

Working titles for pieces I'd like to see (from my vault):

The Ugly-Stepsister:
A tale of sisters, murders, lies, and guilt.
Happily ever after:
Transforming piece of 3 princesses, 3 gods, 3 girls - all in that order.
Life in Fuchsia:
A marriage is written in the stars, but infidelty, insecurity and insanity visits.
Confessions of a Black hearted, cold Mistress of Evil:
An entire length of a death of a Mistress of Evil, each death punctuated by drama and beauty.
Four Queens (The Pussy Funeral):
A house of queens; men who live together as friends under a fragile demeanor of strength, pride and tenacity. The all begin their journey of discovery with the death of their house pussy. Poor Pussy.

In the Works:
The Wizzle Stick Wars
Broken Ventricle
Pixel Days (Life in Cyberworld)

Instinctual
Thats how I like to play my games, cyber or board.
Which brings to mind. I've pretty much lost my gaming friends. I was speaking to my stage manager last night and YES! She plays computer games, the sort I like as well (tho' I generally stay away from FPS personally).
Anyway I digress.
I like to just play. I'll have a simple strategy and I'll be agressive when I feel like 'effin it all at the end. But generally, its a looksie, tryout.
Yeah. Aggro players love to hunt me down and strategists hate the unpredictability.
Its one of those scissors, paper, stone things, isn't it. How this is relevant to anything else ... I dont know.
Really. I do not know.
Now quit pestering me with your problems.

Blues
Cute, the iTune iMac randomly picked a selection of Jazz to play.
Speaking of which, nearby outside KLpac.
You know these shops. MyShop, MyPlace Apartments, MyCafe, MyPub, MyCleaners ... yeah, its the whole MyVi thing. Well recently, I saw MyBatteryShop (car) ....
I did not see that coming.
Now let's postulate.

Homestead
Its almost the middle of the year.
I'm slowly going to realize the possiblity, the very real possiblity of moving out. Arguments aside, at the core, there will be a very centralized notion of practicality.
This is of course, tempered by a measure of saving sanity and a dash of regaining senses. If I'm lucky I'll get a dollop of personal satisfaction.
Ok, now I'm a little hungry.
Stop ...
Stop ...
Relax.
One dollar at a time.
Just save enough for a downpayment for rental. At least that much and it doesnt pan out and it has to be delayed to later in the year, I'll just have more saved up. If its next year, then I know I'll have extra to go travelling at the end of the year.
Yes, I must learn to love myself.
Simple, easy concept.
Terribly hard to follow through.
Just be careful, LOVE yourself - not pleasure, not adore, not admire, not indulge .... but have a tangible, real feeling of genuine appreciation.

There ... its done.
At least for today.
---

Colours burn

---

Queries
When am I going to realize there's a certain insanity in everything I do.

When am I going to be comfortable knowing there are various talents my age and younger, both more successful in their chosen creative field (or is it just more media coverage) without feelind the subtle pangs of wasted regret through the years.

Survivor
There are things I need to let go off to survive.
One of them is my sanity.
Almost voluntarily, to get through the day - I have to be willing to let it go.

Especially my eyes.
I'll my eyes most.
After a client color combination for acid green and magenta.
After a day of putting it together.

Oh, I'll miss my eyes.
---

Prose
I'm coming down high
I'm climbing the soul of rivers
I ring the bell of dinner
And the hound comes a-callin'
The dark wisps, shaping pussies in the willows beckon'
And then I am home.

Idle Crown

---

Brewing storms
Ok, there's a bit of thunder and lightning here.

Thunder from home -
It revolves around guilt, shame, embarrasment and pride. All of which costs me a half day's work. And none by my actions. Its the paternal source. Nutshelled, he tampered with mt car, left the light off, drained my battery, screwed my headlights and it took my 2 days of frustration to get it all right and juggle my time between work, theatre and home. Each one, lovingly providing a different stress of sorts.
Like a multi-focused shiatsu treatment to induce migraine.

Lightning from theatre -
A few discussions here and there to watch out for pitfalls, as realistic or unrealistic as they may , a gameplan for the worst case scenario might be in order. Case in point, we have some logistics problems, coupled with some worry that not everyone may make it to Penang at the end. I won't say its being pessismistic but the cast and crew arriving up is LARGE and its a possibility. I'd just like the show to go on, even without some actors or plays - though I know everyone would like to be there. But circumstances, no?

I won't peruse through the details, because its been done.
Its no longer fresh in my mind, and heart.
So it'll pass by easier in my memory and writing.

But it does churn the bowels.

Opportunity
Its weird, how you can go looking for some jobs while uemployed and have no bites, yet once you begin working - there's a few very GOOD and readily available Vacancies that come into contact.
Bah!
Even oppotunities to be in a workplace with a couple of cute guys around.
Double Bah!

Aging and death
Ok, not quite as morbid; I do feel like my metabolism is slowing down. I can .... assure my feeling, my gut instinct thats coaxing me into slowing down. To understand the coined term 'my body is betraying me'.
And every betrayal, even those you expect can still be surprising.

If I've not mentioned it before - I believe I will grow into an angry man, if I'm not already one.

Distraction
I may risk jeapordising some critical and personal information here (not mine, coz I'm all for people knowing my business), but I may be pleasently distracted in future productions.
Let's hope not too distracted.

And for those who have the know-how to put 2 and 2 together.
Please keep your 5 cents to yourselves. Its a personal issue and, please do not push your curiosity on others in this regard. Rude, obnoxious and lastly, if not least - very inconsiderate and unbecoming of professional behaviour if you were to act in disregard on this matter.

Bug me all you like, but know this.
I will not appreciate should I know that anyone I know personally, has jeapordized this opportunity.
Hell may hath had a fury like a woman scorned, but trust me when I say - she learnt her tactics from a gay man.
Age has embittered me, and theres little fact more lethal and an aged queens claws.
---

Allo Voile

-------

Ends wit
A short entry today.
It begins ... yes, work then rehearsals and little to none in between. I inch and squeeze whatever time I can out to spend with old friends and reconnect with other old acquiantances. Its almost as if, there were little time to meet new people, lest I be more casual about all my relationships and real friends.
Which seems like a dear waste. Time spent with them is greatly loved and it would be regrettable to hasten to make light of our time and conversations.

Time
I want more time to do things.
To finish others.
And allow some to begin ... afresh.
---

Prose
Three random things lay before me.
Stuff, recessive thoughts no one gave worth.
Slipped through the cracks of sanity.

I could name them.
They would leave no trace.
Not in your memory nor heart.

Granules running south.
Clinging to a slick surface.
Running, lacking the will to walk.

No wings to spread.
No sails to set.
These three come before me.
These three random things.
These things which lay before me.

I'll sweep away.
Washed by their insignificance.
Lost.
---

Three things and Kings

-------

Triadic Fortunes

Old Faces
I havent used my chats and messengers, so I popped in and kinda forgot about it all through the workday. And lo' ... suddenly! "Is that you, gary?"
It was Susie.
Yea! Susielin - someone who shared a great passion for the camera eye as my Ex, Evan. She's in Hawaii now and she seems to be doing alright. I like looking at her pictures and now more so since it captures life, hers and more in Hawaii. It translates so much when you feel more personal to the photographer.
Yea to Susie! the Girl with the Camera.

Old Voices
I called Flo (Florence), after taking a look at her Flickr Portfolio online. In fact, I decided to chat with her while waiting in traffic leaving the city. Yes, I had to do something other than look at cars on the road ...
And we talked.
About graphics in general, and how we were doing, where we've been professionally and where to go career-wise. It felt good to connect and it made me realize something.
I know, I have ... very few design friends.
Several only, when I should be networking more. And from those few, I find out many old acquaintances and college mates in design school ended up doing above-the-line design. Where's all the below-the-line designers ?
Of the creative line - I know some actors, but mostly I know writers.
Theathre writers, authors, poets, literati and I'm thinking WTH?!?
Where is this directon leading me?
Which brings me to another thought ...

Calling
If you want to promote something, you get a friend who helps you promote, think of ideas - someone who probably does marketing, has some business or advertising sense. if you want a particular dress - you call a friend who can fashion design or at least help you shop. If you want to try a new recipe, you call cooks bakers at least someone you know who can professionally cook. You want to hear a new piece of music, you seek your musical friends, better if they are professionals. You even bug these friends ....
But if you want to design a card or just .. design anything; you're likely to do it yourself first.
Why?
Why not look for profesesional friends, and tho' a few do.
Most don't.
Do we all inherently think we all can do it, by simple fact that the 'design' programs are available for the layman? Is accessibility a farce or an illusion to allow the casual person to design?
What did I spend years in school for?
I'm a big supporter of friends and people being progressive, learning new stuff, I don't mind taking them through the steps and dynamics of design. I love knowing that they can know a bit more about what it means to design ... to produce art and expression.
but what does it mean? Do my own skills get neglected because I'm willing so share what works? Do I become selfish about the knowledge?
Should I offer and get rejected because obviously I can't produce what idea they have in their heads and minds ... and that showing them a little mean they can do it themselves?
Does everyone think my job and skills as completely replaceable by anyone with an inkling to use Photoshop?

Clouds parting
I saw the divine showing off today.
Shards of light like flat blades of butcher knives slicing down from wave-patterned shores of clouds, shadows and illumnations.
Angled at the edges and flashing brightest miles ahead of me as I drove.
Teasing me with an unseen path of light.
Oh, you naughty naughty being.
Oh, you tease.

Two more
Two more weeks will showtime.

Prose
The motors in the grinding bowels in the cranials of my head whirl with the mess of twisty mazes corrupted by thoughts of the external and internal tourmoil.

There's a war I hear going on.
There's a peace I know that no one hears.
There's a cry from the dark, no one sees.
You don't know.
You don't want to know.
No sky breaks open for the proud.
No ground opens before the wicked
To swallow their sins and replenish the weak.
There's no clamour for the shaded.
There's no word for the strange.
There's a judge and jury we see in a mirror each morning.
We end our days each evening looking in that mirror.

Brolly Dolly

-------

Rain
Weathered friends aside, the cats and dogs fly sky high.
Traffic runs amok and the moon glows single eyed brights across the night, the clouds part in its glory.
And I speak to old friends, now and back then.

Brevity and the Afterlife
Yup, thats what happened the last few days in a nutshell.
Cheng Meng lept me busy all weekend.
Its seems the dead (if you aren't aware, we chinese burn paper replicas of real world items that we feel the dead might need in the afterlife) - as a trend because us Chinese ghosts are by far the most modernistic in the world, - require Viagra.
Yes, we enterprising chinese spirits are well up on our latest health technologies, Viagra!
So my Aunt burnt her some paper birth control pills.

Momentus
I'm at KLPac now.
Doing work on the dual-core I-power MACs.
Both of them.
Bah-hum-bug.

Forked choices
To have options, perhaps in light of saving money on petrol and time - I may move to an apartment of place closer to KL or even within the heart of the beast itself. I have a good friend sussing out places for me. But I did get an interesting thought.
I was helping my ex move into his new place after shopping for some simple furniture on my off-day. Oh yes, I did get a short stint of rest.
I was thinking, maybe I could semi-bunk over on late weeknights or something. His place isn't far at all to my workplace and would save me the traffic, petrol and trouble of leaving the city. We have to discuss boundaries of course, so we're clear. But I guess when you're better off as friends, there's little danger of horrific temptation to start thing over, right?
That and the fact I'm really over him.
I've let go of any romantic notions.
But I don't want him getting any ideas, He can start all the drama externally with his own network of friends. I don't care, I don't know them but yea ... let him do all that.
I just have a place to bunk and save money in the long run with good company to boot.
Was thinking of a getting a PS2 as well.
Splurge ...

Dramatism
I had a major migraine at the Drams and missed a small case of drama.
Tsk tsk, I was even in the room ... ( sigh ) Guess you can't catch them all. The people at Pokemon lied.

Doting
I've been getting some lovely SMS's from a Malay guy in Cheras.
'Nuff said for now.
---

Prose
Delight, Ignite
Enigmatic and Distant.
Make-up for death,
Acronym for the dead.
From the spark to the end.