Sullen sycophants

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Lace and Leather
It rains everyday and then when the sun comes out, the glares full on the wrath of its heat.
Like scenes from the memory.
Because I remember what it was like before, mulling about the house trying to get things, always between the mishap fo resting and wanting more and the greedy need to do something, anything. I know what its like now, wanting to return to that state as well.
We always want to go back to the other side, green or not.
Because its familiar.

Workloss
Besides my sanity - which I probably should have seen coming a mile away, from erractic 'creative' types and drama-donnas!
A good friend of minen lost his job today.
Yeah, I know he was on probation and companies are liekly to fire you on the very last month coz they still wanna use you anyways, coz they're too lazy to look for a replacement meanwhile. But it makes me think how tenous my work here is.
I'll help him find something.
I should be careful, regardless of how much work they may give me here - pushing aside the deadlines that stretch beyond my probation deadline, I know I should tread carefully still here. There are no promises in this life. No real ones, just thin veils of hope.

Staging Area
I don't believe I'll divulge the kind of drama that went on during my production. There's a time and place for that and that moment is sitting with me for a drink out in the open revelling in face to face laughter and momentous shared humility in the industry.
But its over for most part.
Most part.
Till the trip to Penang - and the twelve gods help me keep peace of mind on play there.

Ambitions
Maybe it is.
I'm nurturing this feeling, that I want a production. I don't care wether its in my name. And frankly (with george), I don't really care how my name appears, should it appear - but I want somebody's stories told.
Thats what it feels like.
Right now, the voice of "Kung Tau Fu" is telling me tales, whispering her dreams of dying.
I crave to hear her speak through an actor, to see her light up on stage virtue to the lighting designer, the stage manager to call her on-stage for her limelight and her close-up on the dressing room. Can I find a producer who's willing t lend her the block to which to stand and face the world?
I long for the tiny hushes of her family, however broken and misunderstood - her comrades-at-arms in this sexual war of misconprehension and misunderstanding.
Even if I don't hear the applause, the deafening claps, the clamour of the audience; I know secretly, the silent breathes are more than I already need .... or have.
Her story is told.
And she can die in peace.

Emo-schemo
I cried running her lines last night while driving to pick up a friend for a drink.
I drew her into me and allowed her to use my tongue.
And I was bereft when she left. But I had to let her leave, or I would be too swept up.
I need to be careful.
So I don't slap every member of the audience who doesn't 'get' it.

How would I be?
I don't know how I'll be if left to lead people. I don't think I ever really have, at least not in full capacity. Maybe it won't even occur to me in the end.

Notice.
Yes, for all of you.
I will be opening a slot in my planned production next year. It seems really far away but its not. I have to find a producer, auditions, stage manager and sponsors. If you take auditions into account, the final FULL finished, prim and polished script has to be in, much less than a year. Months ahead if I'm lucky.
So if you have any stories you feel empowered to tell - tell them,
If not to anyone, then to me if you can.
But make sure it really belongs to them, the character.
Their voice, not yours.
And remember its about self discovery like all things, but in this instance - it will drive us all. Sexual discovery, awakenings and broken veils.
Please.
And I will beg no more.
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Prose

" ... i will feel no more pain"
" ... i only cause pain"
" ... i am the mistress of evil"
" ... always have, until my last ..."
" ..."