-----------------------So far, the latest torments and delights have been kisses.
One one hand, it niggles at my thought, the light peck on the lips my Ex gave me unexpectedly, leaves on the shifting breeze on the hairs on the back of my hand. A phantom token of the past.
And on the other, the mischievous wanting of contact between lips of a new living breathing person and my long forgotten parched lips.
Fuck ...
No wait, thats good too.
Damn.
Home and Hurt
Had another ... of many arguments with the paternal adult of the home. As usual, its about my job and his dissatisfaction about my choices in life, finances and all thing under the sun. moon and stars. Its best if he handles it, but he can't abide by leaving me to my own devices at 29 lest I screw it up ... he the threatens so if I screw up. ... and I shouldn't give him lip; do as i say but not as I do.
Riiiiiiightttttt .....
Drove along rather aimlessly tonight, screaming songs to the radio and singing along at the top of my lungs.
Therapeutic.
Theatre
Second readings went well enough. I gave my input, I plied my words. Time to commit to memory my mad-riddled parts and dialogue. and yes, one of them is mad-ridden, I lie not to you. I think they find it funny, for some strange reason., when I read it.
But I worry about detracting from the poignant message of the piece carried by other characters. Director's dilemma, I suppose.
Its funny to be in my own little 10 minute script. To act as one of my characters, I feel limited because I've explored it as I write and construct his life. Although to be fair, nobody else knows what range of quirks, characters and words have been tried, trained and thrown before the final words are written - so to them, all experimentation and interpretation I show, is pretty brand spanking new anyways.
Ah well .... fools, all of them.
Pandering aloud
I wonder, if the guys of whom I write about read this and know that I speak hesitantly of my feelings, and actions towards them - would it change things? .... Nah, I'd gladly tell them all this anyways, given the chance, time and opportunity. Probably not as eloquently because I'd lack the written tact and ability to use a back/erase key to redo words that I spake.
Is it bad, I feel like simultaneously giving and receiving a blowjob now ...
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9 comments:
it's bad only if you feel like it but it doesnt happen. otherwise it's all good.
what was that you said about moving to KL a few posts back? May be a good idea to get away from the paternal figure. It does take a whole lot of stress off your shoulders.
PinkPau
Too late, been there, done that, gone there, wasted that.
:`(
Rav'N
I know ... but its a teetering sort of edge. I could do that, but it also seems practical to not do that otherwise. I hate being raised practical.
Add in the factor, that my family is moving in a couple of years, would it cause more problems or should I just wait it out ... its not that long issit?
(( sigh ))
Hmm. You feel weird playing your own work? Yup, it sure feels like re-living the characters we crafted right? But I guess for mine, I actually wrote the piece to mirror myself very much. Hehe.
Doreen-ar
Coz I think: that i try to variant up the characters nad give them their own life - often enough quite different from my own.
So it seems like I'm stealing their life rather than giving it to a qualified actor to give them life instead.
:(
Move into a gay refugee camp as I've done! Uhm, I mean gay den. XD Yes, I am living in a gay household. Ma was pretty happy that I moved out altho' it means incurring more expenses on her part. Pa was ... equanimitous. Pa and I hardly speak. I love and appreciate my parents more tho' since I moved out two years ago. ;/
I am not into plays, but I know a good one when I watch one. All I can tell you is that just DO IT! Hesitation kills the moment. Like everything else we do in life. We dun think before we breathe rite? :"P *says the wiseman living in the highest peak ... uhm almost highest floor of a condo actually. XD*
"Is it bad, I feel like simultaneously giving and receiving a blowjob now ..."
Darling, people usually use the term 69. XD Come, gor-gor give you one! Kakaka!
Oh wait! I get your message now! You're just shouting out loud that you're moist and ripe for the picking! Horny bastard. XD
I was raised practical too so I know what you mean. foretunately my father took the decision out of my hands and moved away himself.
2 years isn't long... or is it? it can be a very long time indeed if you spend all that time being unhappy and stressed out.
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I see the perks of being raised practical and I am proud of it. And even so, I'm the MOST impractical, superflous person my my own nuclear family, much less the relation down the line.
but there, two face- go it right, its like the flip of the coin.
2 years can be long depending on whats in it.
Thats why there's this theater thing for me ... so exclusively me, few can interrupt or tell me what to do.
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