23 July 2007

Giants in the Sky

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Overtime
The time for feeling overwhelmed by an industry I am unfamiliar with, should be over. I can do something. Something even halfway decent.
If its one thing I give this 'vision' thing, then its the fact that it allows me to approach giants. The giants of the industry, who at eye level - aren't quite so intimidating and absolutely less foreboding than imagined before.
I can do this, with the help of sincere friends and professionals.

Intention
Who knew all my trivial knowledge could come in useful one day?
I just need to find the perseverance to keep this up. Writers, artists, actors, students, publishers, producers, directors, sponsors, workshops, spaces ... just everything else I need to know more and more about to set about my plans.

Divination
I don't know how it'll turn out.
I feel like a million pins of light are striking at me and peeling away every cell. Its a feeling thats mutual with a lot of guys around me I suppose. And some of them are ever attractive because of that.
But it'll be casual for now, until the stars align themselves for once, just for me. I'll even go along with a close approximate. We never know, it could be right now, its just that light doesn't seem to travel fast enough and what we see in our night sky constellations is anywhere as old as 60 years late to centuries old.

Trust
... and I'm learning how to trust more. Surprising. The more I intend to take control of something in my life, I seem to be forcing myself to realize that I need to trust more instead. In others, in events that surround me, in the muses, in fate, in opportunity, in conviction and in friends.
I hope its lasts, because it feels very worth it.

Growing up
Perhaps if I wait long enough, want long enough, work long enough - I 'll be a giant. A small one, but a giant nonetheless. Then I can take off these painful working shoes and step afresh in the fresh green pinetree grass and bubbling azure blue waters of the Pacific. And I can lean my back against the sturdy Andes and watch the stars, watching the giants of the Universe at play ... waiting to join them.

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Prose

Her father bade me well.
I called him 'Uncle' as if I was familiar with him.
I'd like to. My secret wish, my shadowed desire. I'd like to know him as no relative should. I don't think the laws of the world can bind this passion of mine. The fantasy of which I am his to do with. I want to be held, chided and handled by this person.
I am her best friend for the reasons I hide well enough away. I drew to her like a crab stepping sideways to their goal. I would sit after school, during the carpool looking at the back of his head as she rambled on about the meddlesome boy in her class today. I knew no boy would live up the the standards I held for this man. Her father.
I'd imagine my out of the gates of the school canteen, my uniform falling away as I approached him. These thoughts keep me distracted throughout the day waiting for the time to go home.
I should say something but I don't know if I want the fantasy to end. Maybe he'll hate me, maybe he'll want me. I won't take the risk.
So I am her friend.
Until I'm old enough, old enough in the words of the law, out of the yoke of a teenaged label, I will go to him. Then maybe my strength will make me desirable to him. His strength drawn to me.
Just five more years.

3 comments:

Kenny Mah said...

A small giant? Sounds like the name of a book or play waiting to be written, my friend.

And we all have to grow up some time. *sighs*

G said...

A children's book, I believe.

Not a play- there' something almost whimsical about the idea, it has to be the written word.

Growing old is inevitable - growing up, a choice. :p

Kenny Mah said...

And what a choice, what a choice...