A Charity that refused Donations ...

... because it was associated with the Dungeons & Dragons franchise.

WTF!!!

10/31/2008

As has been reported by a few other gaming blogs and news sites, the Charity Auction at this year's GenCon Indianapolis was held to benefit Gary Gygax's favorite charity, which I will not name here for reasons that will soon become obvious. The fine folks at GenCon raised over $17,000 for this charity, which helps starving children in impovershed areas of the world--only to have that money actually turned down by the charity. The charity refused due to the fact that the money was raised partly by the sales of Dungeons and Dragons materials, which as we all know, puts an irrevocable taint of evil on the filthy lucre that us demon-worshipping gamers might want to use to, say, donate to starving children. Not only is this a slap in the face to every gamer, but it is especially insulting to Mr. Gygax himself, who I understand donated to their cause many times over the years. Plus, I'm sure the children who would have gotten food or clean drinking water with that money would be sort of upset, too.

I bring this story to your attention not simply so that you might let the people at this charity know how you feel (especially if you have donated to it before, as many did in the wake of Mr. Gygax's passing), but so that you would be aware that there is an alternative charity that I would personally recommend (based on our own charitable giving) if you have a desire to donate money to help starving children. Plan USA is a worldwide charity aimed at helping those who live in poverty and/or have suffered from a natural disaster, particularly with monthly sponsorships of individual children. Since the money of D&D players is clearly not welcome at this other charity, I can't recommend Plan USA highly enough to those interested in giving anyway. At least if you choose to donate through them, there's no chance your generous gifts to the starving children of the world will be rejected due to your weekend hobby.

(Incidentally, GenCon was also able to find another worthy charity with an entirely different focus, the Fisher House Foundation, that was willing to accept the money given in good faith by GenCon attendees.)

http://www.poormojo.org/pmjadaily/archives/023750.php

and a forum where they discuss it
http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?t=421304

----

Wondering the Piazza

----=
Wearing it on my sleeve

Life

Let's try not to get ahead of things here.
"There is nothing to regret", thats a constant reminder for myself.

First off, I think I still have problems letting go ... of personal gripes and issues. Certain quirks that possibly cause me minor distress. Emotional maladies I could do without

But it's getting better. It's an inching effort but I feel less guilt about letting go than I would have a year ago. That's some progress, no?

On the theatre front - I'm a little in the air about who I'm keeping in touch with in the aftermath of leaving
.
Work

Shuffling into my new job alright, I think. The past 2 months has been been an adjustment. Turns out changing jobs is as painful a transition as insects on your wind-shield on the speedway.
Annoying, but incriminatingly vision wrecking.

Let's add whip cream and a cherry on top.
I'm not even sure wether I've done tight by going back into advertising. It feels no different than it was years before. I may be better but on a personal level, it feels like I've not gone anywhere.

My boyfriend (I'll get to that) - suggests Visual Merchandizing.
I'll do some research.

Art

Definitely in a slump. No excuses there.
The Art Initiative fell through, well I did keep optimistic. no?
Personal art projects - well .... besides spending a whole collective time of 30 minutes through a stretch of a week doing something.
Yea, its not going anywhere.
Neither is my RPG game.

Though Elton's doing a decent job GM'ing 4th ed. !
Not a strong supporter but there are aspects to the 4th ed. that I really like!

Gym

Definitely some progress here, and I'll be attributing these to consistency if nothing else. Although, I feel little change , I've been informed there is a more visible one from the folks outside.
Good eh, but I think I need to step up on on the routines and weight - so I can feel the difference instead. I'm certainly a little heavier but I'm not sure if its all muscle.

I know my diet sucks right now because I can't control the lunch menu most of the time (there's a hired cook in the new office).
Who won't be staying long ... Love

Yea this is the juicy part. yes?

I think its love. There's a greater expectancy ... a stronger gut feeling that I'm out to lose more if I lose him. A deeper sense of involvement.
And its only the second month.

I met Julian after commenting on a random photo of a theatre acquaintance on Facebook. Yea, its the whole "What a bunch of temptingly good looking guy!" - or something that that effect.

Julian responded in an e-mail because he was still unfamiliar with how to reply to the photo comment.

And thats when the e-mail exchanges began. And I loved it.
Its was hard enough finding people to write you e-mails rather than notes, and it was long involved e-mails that asked questions, listened to answer and responded in kind.

There's not much else I can say happened in between. maybe too much, but it will hold little relevance to anyone but us. Suffice to say, and against all my feelings about flash-fire romances ... we starting dating.

We may be different but it seems through an through, the more we discover about each other the more alike we want to live our lives. In different directions maybe, but with the same drive and intention. And we respect out differences.

And he allows me to be affectionate with him in public.
Not for the meek-minded, but I'm very physical in public I'm always holding his waist when we walk and holding him close on the escalators. And he feels at home. I think thats the best part, the comfort he feels with me.

Ok, thats enough for today.



---
A little rusty on Prose but here goes ...
---

Snails pace,
Snails race
Ne'er sore

Man's tall,
Man's fall,
from grace

Fire's burn
Minds discern
I wonder where it all went.

---

SuperHellion Smackdown!

-----

I plucked this off someone in RPG Net.
Funny!

"That plan makes a lot of sense, in the REAL WORLD. In comic book world all you have to do is persuade Iron Man to stop using his amazing new source of power to fight petty criminals and put it under the bonnet of every motor vehicle in the Western World, turn all that teleporter and anti-gravity shit in Superman's Fortress of Solitude into a public transport system that replaces all buses, trains and planes, persuade Mr Fantastic (the dick) to use his genius to make the world a better place instead of locking his friends up in a interdimensional prison, oh and get Batman to use his leet skillz for something useful other than beating up petty criminals and psychotics. Also, Wonder Woman, lasso of truth, do you know how much the court system costs? If she just flew round the country asking every murderer "Did you do it?" "Were they really asking for it?" Millions saved on capital trials and more justice. Oh, and all the superheroes with KINGDOMS; Aquaman,Sub mariner, Black Panther; WORST RULERS EVAR! Do something useful, liek using all that bullshit technology for a space program so that we're not all stuck on this rock next time a meteorite hits/Gallactus gets peckish.

See; better world, 90% of the population didn't have to die, the superheroes just had to stop being dicks.


Having said all that, I would probably kill 90% of the population if I was an evil mastermind, just to give the remaining 10% a sense of vigorous aliveness."

---

Ungruence Cells

----

Its been an odd week – weekend so to speak.

I thought I’d have a little more time to do things over the extended week since after Labour Day (Thursday), I had taken 2 days off, and then Sunday. But strangely, less-than-happy realization were given time to resurface after simmering for awhile.

I suppose its makes some sense and the lid had to come off at some point, but nevertheless it is not always what we sought for.

Perhaps my horoscope was right all those years ago concerning my job / career. I’ll stagnant if I stay too long, and right now the smaller things at work are beginning to get to me. I try and keep focus on the more positive aspects of work but it seems I become less of a designer if I don’t pour myself in the theatre industry (since I work in a theatre). It’s a pretty long story but in the end, I’d console myself into thinking – this isn’t what my intention for life is about.
Theatre was a good run and its okay if it comes to an end.
And that’s when a person has to realize, you’ve already let go.

I need to move on to stay myself and keep evolving.
This would be an ideal job if someone wants to have a grand scheme or design into the theatre industry as a writer, actor, director, performer, auteur, lover of the arts WITH moderate to skilled design skills.
But I’m a designer who’s fallen into theatre as a dabbler. I should have known I come with an expiry date if I’m unwilling to put up with drama-tics in the long run with little personal satisfaction from which is has to come from art, theatre that is – not design.
It help that I don’t like one of my colleagues as well :D.
Overheard "Where do you work?" "at an NGO" ... i think that how I should answer from now on.

But I still stand by the case, I need to find at least one good job before I tender my resignation here. It feels like the proper way,

I think I’ve ranted long enough on this.

Much to my own disappointment, I did not manage to get any illustrations done. This frustrates me. This angers me most of all about my weekend.
I spent too much just going out and catching up with friends. I could have headed back earlier, spent less on food, just … something that would be more suitable to the current lifestyle I’m trying to adopt.
But I didn’t,
On the other hand, I’ve been rather well behaved when it comes to gym time. I should do my gals like my gym. Dedicate non-negotiable nights with myself on when I illustrate at home.

I have little and no excuse really, to pander and test out my strength and the machines anymore at the gym. A month is up – and I’ve gotten some very good and helpful tips from a good friend, AJ over the past 2 weeks and I’ve started a sort of online progress journal of my physical pursuit.
Its slow … but I hope its steady.

To chalk up another sad mote to this already somber dirge of a weekend; is the sad fact we did not gather to d the Art Initiative as I have come to call it.

After a confirmation text message I sent out the day before and the reply that the girl is on holiday in Hanoi and could not make it, I was discouraged.
Truth be told, she did inform us of a holiday she had planned for Hanoi 2 weeks prior but the exact date wasn’t confirmed nor was there a few days worth of warning that for the coming weekend, she would be absent from the country.

As I understand it, she needed the holiday to Hanoi to get away from work related stress, but I had not come to see the Art Initiative as work nor stressful.
It would have been weird to the remainder of us (2) to continue as such because this was an invested project as a group and it would be more than just a formality but the spirit of things to keep the discussions as a group concerted effort.
So much for being consistent at twice a month; every 2 weeks.

Perhaps I had faltered again in my personal lessons in life and invested too much, too early. I could take it as it comes, but that would leave me with a lot of unaccomplished things and unresolved feelings. I cannot choose to resolve this like another person, that that ,,, the proper words escape me, … that would not make me who I am.
Some things more than others anyway.

That leaves me here on Monday.
Wondering how quickly the week will pass me by again and the list of incompleteness that will follow.

Highlight:
Met up for lunch with Sums
Found the DVD ‘Kiss Kiss Bang Bang’
Saw Iron Man (which was not a total disappointment even tho it had Robert Downey Jr.

Downside:
Another Art Initiative down the drain
A surprising clarity on why my current job taxes me
Didn’t manage to draw anything on my off-days

---

Prose

Last days don’t come often.
I think that they come once, lest they be called
Last Days Again.

First times are virginal
Never the same is replied
Never shy on twice

Forever is a myth,
To understand limitless
Where there is none, but change.

G.I. Joe

---
Storm Shadow and the Baroness
---

Featuring the oh so hot Korean Star

Byung-hun Lee

who is aged 38, sun sign Cancer and a gorgeous 5' 8".
In addition to his native Korean, Lee speaks English, French and Mandarin Chinese fluently.

---

About the only reasaon why the 2009 movie is watchable.
Certainly not for Channing Tatum taking lead role as Duke or Dennis Quaid as General Hawk.

---

ps:
totally funny!
Click on the WATCH Video link!
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/140341

---

Yam tarts and Egg Rolls

---

Body Combat
So the class didn’t kill me. But I swear, at one point I was all knackered out with a good sweat that starting like I was caught in a torrential downpour not 10 minutes into the start. Then I looked at the clock behind.
Another half hour to go.
Crap.
I couldn’t do the basic push-ups toward the end, because my palms were too sweaty to hold on to any surface, mat or not mat.
Ah well –
But all in all it went well, I lasted the whole hour didn’t I and lived to tell the tale!
I went back in the gym the next day to do my weights (light as it was) because I could only take the class that evening. I might actually go again next week!

Writing
All things in moderation, I’ve mentioned before. Unfortunately, I wish I could attempt something in excess.
The art is slow, …. Well so far for the week, zilch. So I’m making a point when I go back today to at least DO something on my WACOM tablet!
The writing – well, apparently, we will be working on new material this Saturday so I don’t have to prepare anything.
Didn’t I mention?
I’ve signed up to write some more crap for the amateur theatre, The Oral Stage!
Only this time I’m not sure what’s happening, they’re calling this Saturday a ‘workshop’. I wasn’t aware it was one and to be honest if there’s a entry fee, I might just blow it off.
Vinnie is dragged into too, with much goading on my part but we’ll see about the director portion. For the heck of it, why not direct too while we’re at it, no?
:D

---

Robot gobol

----

Exercise
I’m not sore.
At all.
Even after my minor playful gripes about feeling the pain the past week over the weights – I’m finding myself missing it. Yes, actually missing the slight soreness in places I never knew muscle existed.
Its weird really.
But onward we go. I’ve been looking at a beginners full body workout. It’s a good gradual workout for beginners and set’s up the first 3 months or so. Which sounds great! I just have to get to beginner’s level!

I’ll get to it once I get used to the routine at the gym. I gotta get used to it so I’ll feel terrible if I miss one session (haha!)
I’ll give myself a month then start on the Beginner’s Workout Programme I have.

On the other hand, Dann suggested and I went along, to go for out first ‘class’ at the gym. A Body-Combat class.
I don’t think I’ll make the first 5 minutes. But we’ll give it a go! Got to get ready for that session with AJ and he’s been taking that class for a few months n now! Can’t look like a total wimp now, can we?
A wimp for sure, but not a total one. I’m happy being half wimpy and the rest wussy.


Falling into place
Still clinging to that hope that after I devote this year to improving myself, the rest will fall into place. Or should that fail, I’m happy enough with myself tat it doesn’t bother me … so much.
He’s out there … or they’re out there. Whichever comes first!
:D

Heroes
At least try to be one.
If we can’t seek to achieve, we will never receive.
… oh my- that sounds like a start to a dirty limerick.

Art
I have to refine what I need from the Art Initiative. I’m concerned that I have the least to contribute about my own project I’ve presented. Te making of Gay Personal Oracle Tarot Cards is such a personal journey … its difficult to ask others to comment on the technical side of the project.
Maybe a little change in direction for the art project. I don’t want to compromise my project but I may need a more viable one for the team to work on.

Slam
Still not word.

Amazing Race Asia 3
No word, I think its best to concede the hope my friend, Vince and I made it.
(and no Vince, this ISN'T whining - its updating whatever few readers I have to my blog ... so there!)

---

Prose

Never talked to the depths before
Not from my shallow crag
Not from the nook of solitude and the cranny of indifference, have I thought to ask.
Or listen.
Or I listen too hard to the sound beating under my skin, in the cranial of my empty humming silent head.
Or do we call them Echo.
Like the story.
Is the voice of this life a story?
To be continued …

Daisies posing as Poppies

---

Choice

This is a place I choose not to pretend.
This is someplace where its ok for everyone else to make or pass judgment based on what I write because in the end its only a perception on words. I cannot fault anyone else for misconstruing intent because there is no intonation nor subtle vocal / physical context in my typewritten words.
And so what.
Anyone can say what they want of me when they read this blog and I shouldn’t really care. After all, nothing here will change their lives drastically. No dissemination of information I post up here will be of major relevance and revelation to anyone.
And so what.
So I can choose to not pretend.

But it’s not the case when you live in the breathing, visceral world.

Growth
Growing older here means, getting more frustration.
And I suppose, growing more sensitive, and in a bad way. Home situations do nothing to aid this. Every morning when I leave the house, its rarely entering the world without some feeling of anger or frustration. And if my day begins as so, there’s a greater chance, the day won’t seem as bright as it should or could be.
Hard to see the sun when the morning clouded over; and if my friends know my home situation well enough … well, getting berated for not getting a better job, a raise, more responsibility and my general incompetence to watch out for myself is generally how every morning begins for me, after breakfast if I’m lucky.

So yes, I do know.
I know how pissed off and begrudging I get when the new girl at work abandons our lunch plans at the last minute to ‘hang’ with the crowd after much cajoling on my part to get her to eat. Even after, I help her out with a small emergency the week before as she bitched about the other staff not helping – and later, not a word of courtesy to me. Its never really one small thing but many small things that lead up to it.
She may have a different story of course, but this is where I don’t care anymore.
Where I realize, to bother caring for excuses and reasons means I’m assuming we could be friends.
When really, there’s little chance of that.

Been that way at work for awhile already.
Perhaps it is me.
No, its me.

So in this perfect world of ours, everyone’s faultless for circumstances obviously out of their hands, yet we continue to bitch when no one else offers a hand in changing things we want to change.

I think I’ll just stay picky about who I like as friends.

I choose not to pretend.

---

Latchkey Titles

Across Worlds

----

Email
Its interesting.
I’ve been in regular email exchange with an online person from across the planet over the past few weeks. Its … rekindled what I had enjoyed so much about pen-palling back when I was young.
Its different from the impersonal, un-signatured text messages of the many and now. I’ve taken to writing and responding to these emails as if they were written. So more care has been put into the words as well as content over expediency. Full sentences, even.


Presents
Every time I see what I think would be the perfect gift for a good friend or ex – I’m liable to ponder over it and with much luck and finances (hopefully), I’ll get it.
Then I’ll go about figuring if their birthday is around the corner so as to make an excuse to give it to them to stave the headache of actually finding a gift for the on their actual birthday.
I got a few recently, and I think they’d make wonderful gifts for them – its just weird cause I thought I’d be saving money but I can’t keep doing this (LOL!)
Anyways, now I know if I were a gazillion-bazillionaire, I’d actually spend a neat tidy sum on ‘perfect’ gifts for friends and families should I come across it without hesitation.


Weekend
Its was … good and bad.
Saturday, after work I got about to hanging out with a good friend as usual. Saw the pseudo-Digi promotion for Fear Factor Prepaid freakshow. LOL! And saw something I think would make a nice house-warming prezzie for another mutual friend of outs whose moving into a new place over the next few months.

Sunday – I picked up a good friend visiting from Perth.
We were supposed to get to the KL FREEZE MOB … but by the time I drove to KL, car hunt for parking and what-not … it was too late to really truly participate.
Bah! Instead we had a nostalgic time going back to one of our nostalgic school memories. Its been there forever, the PJ A&W’s.
Took her over to the Aunt Tracy’s Mage Café (board games galore). It was good – since it what she does pretty frequently with her friends down in Perth occasionally, board game I mean.
She wants to go back there with more time to actually sit and play a game now. We’ll be going again this Friday night with much anticipation :D

Disappointed
Although I do understand the situation and its totally ok – things happen and you can’t help falling sick, I was disappointed my friends and I did NOT meet up for the Art Initiative scheduled for Sunday evening.
I had confirmed several days before and that early afternoon itself. But alas … things happen. I was really looking forward to it and as you could tell I suppose from my previous posts exactly how enthusiastic I was to get it under way.

Its going to be a little weird. Since logically it would have to postpone to next week.
But its more or less planned that in the coming weekend, there’s a stage script-writing workshop I want to attend.
Its not too tragic I know to make the choice. I know it’s a good opportunity to go for the workshop class (which is free with a small registration fee if I really wanted to and I’m pretty sure the others wouldn’t mind either.
But I also made a promise to myself and them …. That we would hold the Art Initiative for everyone’s benefit and keep to it no matter what because that was the point of it.
To blow it off for something else personal … would make me feel like I’m not giving anything my all.
Like I don’t know where my priorities or importance lie.
It’s a small matter, I will emphasize and I’ll lose little sleep over it when I do make my decision )no regrets after all), but for now … its still in the deciding stage.

Hilight
Met up with a good friend to me and had a ball catching up.
Buying nifty ‘perfect’ gifts for people who matter to me.

Downside
Missing a Art Initiative meeting.
A somewhat stuck-up tattoo reception girl (when helping my friend set up an appointment for his first tattoo)

----


Prose
The wheels of mercy were turning
Her life came short within breaths
The water would claim her like a womb
Of sinking, dreary death

Her prayers to mother
Her mother’s mothers and save
Silent reverence reserved for hope
Condemned her to the grave

So she died a witch
No more cruel than those
Who themselves would bitch
With virtues as hollow as thorns

Too late for Tomorrow

Flowery Nipploids

---

Morning report

Exercise

Well, I'm sore. Upper body anyways.
Feel good, maybe my form wasn't as gret because it doesn't feel more evenly sore that it did he first time I did the machine assisted weights.
I'll have to pay more attention to form for now before attempting more weights for resistance.
But I'm glad I put in a variable difficulty and speed for 15 minute treadmill.
I think my heart rates wonky though.
Before the run, the machine said it was 130 or so, after it was 172.
High ? - probably.
I still have the rest of April before I attempt to take any pictures of myself now.
(( fingers crossed ))

Relationship Bliss and Cut-outs

I won't say I don't imagine some guys on the street or screen pairing up - and then smile to myself, thinking about how cute a couple they'd make and indulge for all of 5 seconds what sort of couple they'd make.

Yea .... I guess I'm starting to obsess again. Its not wrong ... I believe, but I know its not healthy either. Good thing, it reminds me that I do get lonely sometimes for company.
Good thing I'm recognizing it before it gets out of hand. So I remind myself, I'm doing a lot of things for myself now. Looking, feeling better with the gym (personal goal and vanity indulgence), improving my skills with an art project - ok, so little lazy in doing small projects now but ... thats still something I can work on.
Spending as wisely ans I'm saving should be something I'm getting better at this year.With much luck, I'll enough stashed away (minus taxes and emergency nest) for a holiday at the end of the year.

---

Prose

You seek the way out, fresh ground up
I look at where I am, relation
and blood
Bones are dry with magpie tears.

---

Newsies

From GU Comics
" In a recent interview with Fear.Net infamous "game movie" director Uwe Boll, in response to a question about a petition requesting that he stop making movies, stated that it would take one million signatures to convince him to stop. [more info] In the days following Uwe "goal" the petition ballooned from 18 thousand signatures to over 164,000.

In response Boll demanded a pro-Boll petition that he expects will also garner a million votes. He then proceeded to call Michael Bay a "[expletive deleted] retard", accuse Eli Roth of "making the same [expletive deleted] movies over and over again", and proclaimed his upcoming game to movie translation Postal to be "way better" than all that "social citic George Clooney [expletive deleted] [that] you get every [expletive deleted] weekend". Boll also stipulated that if movie goers "really look at" his movies they would see his "real genius". He ended his response with the assertion, "I'm the only genius in the while [expletive deleted] business"."

---

Ten feet Overboard

---

Slumber of Youth

I’m not certain why I’m still have the sleeping habits of a troubled sleeper. This basically means I’m normally convincing myself to sleep. And I can’t seem to sleep for longer then 5 – 6 hours on average., If I do end up sleeping early due to exhaustion or work – I still end up waking up in the middle of the night.
The dark circles around my eyes – well, let’s say they’re a permanent feature now.
(sigh)
I think I’m still an insomniac.
Most material I’ve read mentions hat sleep is essential (d’oh) – but also to rest and build muscle. Like I don’t have enough trouble building muscle already with a high metabolism.
(bah)

Old time
I had drinks a few nights ago, to which after 0 we dud the typical Malaysia thing and went out for eats courtesy of Ming Tien in PJ.
Great catching up.
There’s a lack of the bond we had back in school, but that expected isn’t it. She lives in Perth and I here. We aren’t commonly in communicando but we do ok with the long silences in between. We both have evolving lives and situations that ‘adult’ us away and … well – there’s still hope I guess.
But we’re still cool which is what I want to believe in. So it is.
We’re ok. :D


Gym
Actually looking forward to another session at the gym today. Real excited.
Strangely, my two good straight friends are also at the same gym. One is an old time member that recommended Celebrity Fitness to me and the other, well he just signed up yesterday I believe.
Cool – maybe we can get together this weekend and give tips – since I’m practically starting over again with exercise.

Tattoo
Yea! I designed a tattoo for a good friend, Vince last week for his birthday this Friday. We’re gonna try and get it for him soon since this recommended place (a colleague uses and swears by) is completely booked out till Mid-May!
And we do want a good tattoo artist.
You can see the design in the pic above!
The name in one circle, his Chinese rabbit sign (birth year) and his birthday Aries – and its all in a designed cluster. He’ll probably want it in red – we’ll get there and see. :p


Money
Well, we’ll have to talk about this some time.
I may have spent a surplus this month. In simpler terms, I went over budget.
Even with the freelance work –pay that’s coming in trickles.
- The gym – the drinks (I rarely g out drinking with friends or myself so that’s a treat expense even if it is A LITTLE haha!), the sudden computer repair, the iPod Suffle.

Well –at least some of these were on my list of things to buy in the future already so its already done now rather than later.
I just have to stay away from other luxury expenses.

Crap I just realized I have to file for (income) taxes …. Well guess whose savings that’s going to dwindle down.

---

Highlight:
Enjoying the gym and the art initiative coming up this weekend. The tattoo.

Downsides:
Some trouble with the printers and deadlines at work.
Dad still harassing me to get a new job.

---

A return to prose and poetry in the nest few posts.

Brunhilda's Closet

Day begins

Workforce
So I’ve been trying to be more civil to the father of the house, by selectively sharing bits of my job with him. The passing year were bad enough when he would moan and bitch about me not sharing my life with him and then accusing my mother of co-conspiring to make him feel excluded in his … yes, he says it loud and clear … HIS own house.

In an effort to be more civil, I share selective details.

Of course now, his ‘suggestions; to get a better job have moved from the friendly, ‘classified ads from the newspaper he clips and cuts with personal notes on them in a folder outside my room’ to ‘suggesting why any employer has to provide a annual bonus or raise necessary for the employee’s’ to ‘heavily suggesting and arguing the case on WHY this job he cut out from the newspaper us better than my current’.
Should I stay at this job just because …
Its not so bad- there are down sides, but there’s also upsides which I like ad I know I won’t get ion the new companies. That’s me being rational.
Me being vindictive would just stay and let him ramble on and get more frustrated why I’m in a dead-end job and that his suggestible efforts are being wasted.
Suggestion has gone too far into the realm of ‘telling what to do’,


Fantasy
I’m pretty glad I’m getting back into the habit of running games.
Sure, its shorter (duration) than the regular games from years back, but we can’t always expect to be the same. Let’s just hope for the best, we can be consistent.
Every other weekend, I would un a 2nd Ed. D&D game now. If on the alternate weekend someone else wants to run something or the group just wants a break – so be it.

Although, it has been brought up that one of the group members wants to run a 4th Ed. D&D game when it comes out in a month! Or rather … in Malaysia, 2 to 3 months from now!
I’ll be looking forward to that of course.
Best to make judgment on the system only AFTER we test it for ourselves, no?


Exercise
Finally started my first session yesterday evening at the gym.
Got 2 free basic training sessions with the trainers at the location, so I acted like a beginners’ idiot. Considering I haven’t been using a gym for … 2 maybe 3 years now, best I really take it from the basics again, lest I forget.
(of yea- I took a progress shot. Going to take one a month to motivate me)

Personally, I know hat it was a lightweight exercise routine. It was really basic stuff with low weights. But there’s still a mini-soreness in my muscles on my upper body today. So I guess it was good, I started slow.
On the other hand, I was nursing a bad stomach. Damn you spicy’ nasi lemak’ I had for lunch! … and it was wrecking havoc with my insides as I worked out.

Longtime
Going to see an old friend today.
I’m the worst at keeping contact with friends from overseas – I admit it. I’m much better at keeping them while their in the same country as me and contactable with a decent phone-call and drive away.
But she’s here.
Priya’s back for her cousin’s (she’s getting married to a guy from the OC – the location not the TV show … if it was the show, I’d be hooking up with some guy on the cast too, no shame, no gain!) wedding!
So I’ll be having drinks with her tonight.
Just to catch up – then next week perhaps, we’ll geek out a bit more.

And I’ve pampered myself.
I’ve saved a little aside so I bought the cheapest iPod I could afford.
One Gi iPod shuffle. Should be great tat the gym, no?

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This is a long post so no prose.

Two feet away from foot

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Adult Advisory
So while channel surfing, within a couple a minutes last night, lazy on the grey living room couch - I found mysefl listening to a couple of minutes of Oprah.
Just a few, but this one guest had a point.
The rest ... well, I didn't stay tuned long enough to understand. She was some sort of self-made Guru of something but thats not quite the point.
" ... write something good about your day. What made you happiest that day ..."

Yea, so its all this positive vibe gobbledegook but to a degree, theres definitely a point. Just to get through whatever personal tough times, we whisper to ourselves 'just a little longer', 'one more pace, one more breath, 2 more minutes, then its done ...' something to get us going just the extra inch or mile.

So what I'm saying here ... is may be I should.
A not so gentle reminder of what and how to see my day.

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Highest Point of the Day
I finished a good friends tattoo design. I'm really happy with it. I'll post it when he actually gets it DONE for his birthday next week.
I finished and sent off one freelance job in the morning. Rushed ... but one done.
Got a free mag.
Saw a cute muscular lecturer in the rain taking his college Architectural class for a visit on my working theatre grounds. Taylor's college I believe they were from. And I wasn't shy about checking him out. I think the whole office knew.
One comment a colleague made was "Tsk tsk .. checking out the lecturer"
My retort "because the under-age students are yours ...."

Lowest Point of the Day.

Most people are on my back today ar work asking me projects all at once. I think they ambush plan just to work my nerves up.
Evidently, its all due within 2 weeks og each other ... and quite soon. Too bad most of them related to each pothers projects so I hav to get them done systematically anyways ... sigh.

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C & C: 2020

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Challenge
I get the impression some philosophies treat life as a series of obstacles and challenges that must be overcome for personal betterment.
At times, it’s a never-ending struggle, but always with the promise something better lies beyond.

So when is it?
… this moment where it becomes worth it. Is the pleasure, reward, self-attainment and knowledge we get merely another step in the challenge? A lure, a goad, another stage?

For those who just enjoy life as it is – are they prepared for the challenges other life theorists speak of? Who is the better example to follow?
Somewhere in-between? Does it work that way? If we try, is it too late to go back once its done?


Change
Still searching for that elusive, decent job that pays reasonably well at a comfortable location from home.
So friends have settled in with new jobs – others are currently on the hunt for another. I guess for the next few years, it will continue to be this way; caught between employment status.
Well, there are those who’ve begun counting their relationship anniversaries well into their 5+ years.
I’ve become …. The single friend.
All I have to do now is wait for the ‘blind date’s.
(hahahahaha) … I wish.

Computer
Yea – turns out my power supply unit konked out. Seriously, major mondo damage. It took out my motherboard. It just had to take out an expensive unit in the computer. At least my HD and files are ok.
But that delays my freelance work.
Not to mention, whatever I was charging is now going into my ‘computer fix’ drain.
( sigh )



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Prose

Casanova
Wishful thinking, I’m beginning to believe.
Little by little, it whittles away.
This dream of being swept and taken.
No more problems, they’re all now forsaken.
Casanova lies.

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Art, Life and Zents

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Art
So I had my real (by my count) - art initiative.
Nothing real hush hush of course so I don't mind divulging details but of course I can't really post any progress here unless its my own art project. But its good to know its able to start - get the ball rolling as they say.

Hmmm, I think I'll call it that. The Creative Initiative ... or something like that.
So we're off!
We started yesterday (30 March 2008). As good a start as any day.
At 8:30 pm - Starbucks - Centrepoint, Damansara Utama.

Good preliminary although we are keen on a finding a proper work space that offers a good amount of privacy whilst still in public. I suggested Aunt Tracy's (Mage Cafe) since its well equipped to do work and it pretty much just regulars that frequent the place. So that's where we'll be meeting.

Twice a month sounds good enough, and we should really stick to it and have something each time if we want to finish all out personal projects by the end of the year. We'll see how this year pans out and if it does well, we could do with a couple more good heads!

On the list, currently:
Dann - Graphic Novel / Book
Florence - Concept Merchandise / Character Icon
Gary - Gay Tarot Cards (major Arcana)

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Love
... has a terrible sense of humour when it comes to me.
Like that cool,ultra post-modern aunt, that always forgets you because you're not one of the many drones that flock to her when she arrives.

Let's re-imagine that scenario.
Like watching the kettle boil, but it always does when its someone else's turn.
I don't think I'm worried about it, nor rushing for it - and like I've mentioned before I'm pretty sick of hearing the "It will come to those who wait" theories. I'd much rather the "Go out and get it" approach.

I just need an approach, and I'm sorely lacking in the self-advertising department.
But I guess I'm going for a within to without direction.
Getting a better face care regime and joining a gym this week.
So should score my some points on the scale - HA HA!

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Zen
I feel zen-like one moment and in a flash its gone.
Akin to the expectation of bad news /good news. No matter how much peace you surrender yourself to prepare for it, when it comes, you end up shuffling between "Its okay, its okay, I can deal with this ..." to "What the FUCK!, What the HELL!, Who do I Fuck!"

Nothing has sparked this, not like when I was younger and everything would spark a reaction in between those extremes. Its nothing specific now - its general, like a floating feeling, that meanders and changes hue and colours whenever.

Good thing?
Or the onset of schizophrenia?

I talk to myself often, and I suspect people often do. If they don't, then I should listen closely to what I have to say in the quiet moments between desperation and inspiration. I even make voices for each person i have in a conversation with myself.
At random.
In the car, or while waiting. or both.
Its my gib when dealing with insanity.

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Defoliate

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Statements
I’m beginning to abhor the anticipation of waiting.

I think I’m beginning to feel like I need to start to defoliate excesses from my life.

The Elaboration
My patience is … evolving. Some things like traffic begin to really irk me when I realize the journey is going to take me 15 minutes longer. And I do mean, making my heart go erratic and louder, the grip on my hard rubber steering grasp like an eagles claw and eyes boring past the windscreen at the world outside.

I’ve noticed I’m telling myself that I’ll probably only wait up to a maximum of another 20 minutes outside their house, waiting for their exit – when I’ve called in advance and told them approximately what time I’ll be arriving and confirming the time on arrival.
If I’m ever late, I’ll call or text message to say so, and even then I make that rarely.

I’m telling myself I should be nicer through the months, but m patience seems to be wearing thinner.

Is one an affectation of another?
Is this any better or worse for my sanity?

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Maybe I feel like tings should begin. I thought I’ve gone past this.
Maybe I just need to get to the gym now, not next week. I should get the art projects now, not this weekend.
This horrible anticipation of things to come, and the ever-increasing fraught-ful thoughts of it slipping away just as easily and quickly, nips at me.
By the hour.

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Its an abstracted emotion, I realize.
Nothing I can quite capture with words, metaphor or perspectives.

I’m getting mildly disgusted at the phrase “You’re not so old for ***”.
What the Fuck do they know really?
Are they in the industry I’m striving and struggling to enter. Have they any foothold, interest or remarkable experience in the world of fantasy / digital illustration that they can claim “one is never too old”.

While it rings true, it lack the premise of conviction because its out of context to their own perspective and experience. … because they mean well, with little constructive ability to relevant support.
But this understanding, no matter how much I know they mean well – I just get pissed off. I don’t go making flippant commentary about how late in their ‘little career’ they’re making off with.
Much less, the career they actually intended to pursue as a dream since childhood or the foolish indecisions of what a career was since college graduation. I bit my tongue.

So there you have it: the appreciation of a finer, more tactful tongue – fueling a fiery anger beneath.

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Prose

Fingers laced lattice shadows across the small of her back.
The crook of the neck, visible from the shortened clumps of hair on the nape.
That is why, I take them from behind.
That is the virtue of taking.
Preserving their beauty.
If only they would sit still, long enough.
But they do eventually – as the last airy gasps for air is prevented release.
No escape from this eternal beauty I give them.

Gripe & Reason

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Project Rant, kinda.

Ok, ok- so it isn’t major but I just thought I’d want to share my thoughts with the digital gods.

Florence asks me to begin with her and her friend she’s roping in to begin a ‘art think tank’ of sorts. Now of course, all credit for this suggestion goes to her and I’m pretty psyched about it.
Mainly because of what the goals of the art union would be.

It’s a small nuclei of shared minds in design – we could branch to do some pro bono work but primarily, its for us. It where we get together and really put our minds to produce art and project pieces that’s too big to handle alone or without support.

I sat down for one session and discussed the ground rules when we begin
1. We all invest.
a. We should all have someone at stake. A personal art project that we couldn’t accomplish alone or simply could find the time, prolonged enthusiasm and support we needed before. This is the time to take something that sways dear and near but never done to you and DO IT!
b. The more personal it is, the more invested it be comes. And if everyone has something in it – then we all have nothing to lose and we all have something to commit to.
2. Consistency
a. We always meet up even when we’re busy with work or life. At least once (hopefully twice) a month and we HAVE something. Even the smallest little thing. We have to be consistent in our meetings.
3. There is no EGO
The work is definitely the person who brought it to the table, but it WIL be open to scrutiny and we have to accept we can’t always treasure out ideas like unborn children. It must weather and survive the rigors of others to grow up better for the effort. One work is never better than the others.
4. There is no such thing as a bad idea.
Everything is workable. There is improbably but no impossible, no matter how silly, we will consider it until it doesn’t become viable. Everything we discuss is possible unless there’ s a better way (which there often is!)

And those are just the top of my head.
I think she may regret asking me.

I’ve been calling her at least one a week every week since our first meeting to ask her when we get started. I mean, the point is to get something started and finish it no matter what. It’d be ironic doing this for no result, since it was suggested to defeat that very incident.

And I’m still calling.


Tarot

I want to go a Gay Tarot – Still do , still wanting to finish it.


Pride

I’m kinda happy I managed to produce this piece of art.
It’s a commission piece for sure, and one of my few illustration commissioned jobs of my life, but I like this one.

I did this after a busy day of work, at home up to the wee hours of the morning, 4 am ish.
Tired, dredged up, and with the implicit direction of making it look … “Frank Miller’-ish.

I think I did ok. Its still a little messy (as in the little white bits in the black I didn’t clear up because I was half blind at 5 am) – but its all good in the end!
And I’m happy I did it.

Warning: Gruesome, violent content.


Super

I’ve always wanted to wake up and discover I had powers, but I could decide or place exactly what powers I’d like … or what kind of superhero I’d be.

How about you?







- - -


Prose

Security Scrutiny Scrotum
Switchboard Lovers across the board Allay the sashay of language and speech
The colour of violence we long live and preach.
Instead to live.
Instead to breathe. In spite of horror we bear and bore. To settle an invisible, forever score.

Flies like time, bananas are fruits

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De-Event

So its been pretty much eventful over the past weeks.

Good, no?
Or not?

Feels like I'm waiting for something. I'm pretty sure we've all been there. While we whilst the hours away of out lives, there lie something lurking beyond the corners of time.
Biding and waiting.

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There's a couple of things.

There's the detailed information about the 'Poetry Slam' i was invited. Getting both nervous because I don't know when it is, how much I have to prepare or wether its going to be held or not without more information than a reply to a informal invite through the facebook email.

Daphne, longtime icon (and PA to the Dato herself) - is finally leaving to get married in one of the biggest churches in Cologne, Germany. Go google it - its FABULOUS!
Like most of the wonderful CG model structures for the Space Marines / Sisters of Battle WarHammer 40 K Cathedral like structures.
So that way.

Ever heard of Castle Crashers?
Check it out!

Altho' I'm still waiting for more in-depth look at SIMS 2, Meiers SPORE, the release of Age of Conan and hopefully Disciples 3.

My re-ignition for the love of table-top gaming, since Gygax's passing and my revival of the 2nd Ed rules game!

Starting a Gym next month - for sure!
Got a friend lined up to help me get started. I'm trying to motivate myself but taking monthly pictures of myself in the bathroom mirror. Hopefully the embarrassment will keep my going.
Seriously.

Saving up for a new computer OR a trip to Thailand. Hopefully both.

STILL waiting for the people at Amazing Race: Asia 3.
Yes, yes - I'll be patient.

ALSO waiting for my friend to get back to me on the personal art projects we were to get started on and motivate ourselves to finish by investing in each others work. ... ... ...

Having the most emotionally crushingly romantic daydreams out of nowhere - at random over the past week.
I just tell myself, I'll indulge in them. No more moping about fantasies, just ride it through and keep it where it is. A fantasy.
Healthy, yes?

Actually feeling like I can do some better illustrations in a long time.

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Ponderance

So where does that leave me?

What am I waiting for, where am I waiting?
Why do I feel like I am ... in the wings for something. Not necessarily greater but pertinent to wherever I am, whenever I am. I know this doesn't sound coherent and I am probably rambling.
But maybe this is natural state for me.
Like for everyone else out there to which we expect better or more out of life?
or maybe its for those of us, who are never sated by our own life experiences, which is not altogether bad.
Maybe we need to strive to find ways to fulfill it.
Maybe thats what makes the journey worth it.

Maybe ...

Have you asked yourself today, what you did that made you happy?

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Prose

Hickory, Dickory, Tock
Three mice wandered a clock.
All blind, all cold, they all were told.
To run up the clock at one.

Hickory, Dickory, Tock
We men of the world, took stock
Our lives run amok, never do what we're told.
And the clock fell upon us at one.

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Supreme Indulgence -

I just realized what specific sort of guys i like.

Sigh - the following three ...
They all have a wicked sense of humour.
A mischievous streak to their nature.
Ken is also a screenwiter!
Nathan is a Sci-Fi Buff!
James passionate about his sports!

Could I just mish-mash them all into the perfect guy .... (( sigh ))