04 March 2007

Companionship and understanding


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Dailies
Let's get these updated and over with.
I went out, got some ToS comrades to o see Johann's play "Ah Steve".
I liked it :D
Then came home for Chap Goh Meh dinner, caught a nice episode of Gray's Anatomy, and went to work on a shitload of freelance work.

Vulnerable
Because it seems to feel like it crashing down on me. Like a dam of denial I've shored up for stay sane, its coming back with a vengeance unbidden and screaming silently in my bosom.
Gawd, I'm lonely.
And I'm sick of listening to whatever few advice I get. Besides being repetitive and ground up from countless other well-meaning 'enthusiastic' and hopeful' commentary- which I already know coz I'm a SUCKER for believing in romance (never in movies but always in real life), I don't want to HEAR ANOTHER PIECE OF IT!

and then there was more ...
And another thing, I'm gonna flay the bones off anyone that tells me, that sometimes it isn't worth it, or its not as great as you think ... Excuse me, but I'm been in relationships BEFORE, ya know!
And even if it was bittersweet or it didn't end up so well, or that the heartache was there everpresent; I'll tell you now, I so much happier anyways regardless! Just knowing someone was there, distant or otherwise ... it was comforting no matter what other shit was in my life.
I just function better and guess what? I'm a LOT nicer when I'm in a relationship.
I guess I do ok alone, but I'll always feel subpar without knowing I can't share it with someone special.

Peas in a pod
... and worse, not just anyone. I don't believe I'm choosy, but is it SO hard to find someone I'm attracted to who frind me attractive that I can have a conversation with! Is character, passion and humour difficult to find.
Oh wait- correction. I have found most of those criteria, in fact pleasingly so in many guys but it lacks one thing ... the fact they don't find me attractive enough to date (or they're already taken as fate may have it ... or straight, utterly so).

Decisive, no?
So fine ... I can be casual, I can choose to sleep around (tho' I don't), or just be a callous romantic, flirt and all around fun-loving free-spirited soul of luuurrrveeeee. But that'll only get me so far, and I know that at the core of my conscience.

Curses!
Dammit, dammit, dammit- I want medication for this! I want the wonders of modern science and medicine to createa pill to neuter this, at the very least dull the ... this ... I don't know what to call it!
Bah - hum - bug
Is it true, a gay man's mid-life crisis strike at 30? or something .... Damned 29th birthyear.
Oh yea - wanna hear some icing?

Theater
Looks like the UK thing. The drama thing.
it for 18 - 25 only.
Yea it sucks!
Like how most Malaysian talent competitions of otherwise are capped at age 28. Even as a flight attendant. 28. WTF! Please please please let me in Amazing Race, its still one of the few shows I can still apply for.

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6 comments:

Syar said...

Aw Gary.

Good vibes from my corner. At least they're not owned by Hallmark. And they're the sincerest thing I could come up with.

Anonymous said...

*hugs*

Ps, Grays Anatomy? *sigh* how do you not find her so incredibly irritating? She really reminds me of Ally McBeal

G said...

Syar
Good for you, you saw fallout boy. Cute singaporean guys. no? at the concert?

Rav'N
(( hugs back ))
Just raving rants from me, dear :p
rps: Acutally I dont really like the lead girl thingie. thats kinda true,very McBealish which I think its the updated appeal.
I really just like Dr Bailey and Sandra Oh's characters. They're funny ... :p

Anonymous said...

*lol* I'll give you that. Sandra Oh's character is priceless.

Syar said...

Non. Plenty of cute ones, just none that looked my way.

I love Christina and Bailey. But I totally never saw the resemblance between Meredith and Ally until now. Amazing.

G said...

Rav'n
- Definitely, loving the Oh :p

Syar
- Cute ones, not looking your way. I think its in the approach. Maybe this will work with the Singaporean men.
Carry a hammer - or a club. Whack them over the head + "have you fallen over me yet?"
If they fall over: Bonus points.