--------Don't worry, Bee Happy?
An unfortunate causality of being raised practical (of course what remains as life practices is debatable) - is being a worrier.
I can tone it down, I can withhold it, but the machinations of the my mind will continue to drone on and on in the back of my head. I'm particularly tolerant yet hostile towards nagging because of my own nasty little worrywarts sprouting in my grey pink matter.
T get up to work, ok ... so I get back in the evening. But wait, there's theatre rehearsals now, almost every night; ok, but I have to get home and do the freelance jobs I've taken and I still behind some commissions. So ... if I deviate
If I choose
If I decide to take a little longer eating with friends after theatre, stay back at work, I have to cancel one or the other things or simply delay them to the next day. Not even the luxury of procrastination.
Bah, and I'm trying to squeeze some home exercise in between and try my darndest to control and watch my diet.
I wanna be Barbie.
She can do everything.
Except bend at the knees. No matter what, I NEED bendable knees and elbows! Its essential to uhmm ... the more physical visceral pleasurable aspects to my life!
Tire
I want more rest. I would like company when I rest.
I feel demanding, well deserved as it may be, I do feel a little bad about it too. Yet I know I still want to demand it. Definitely.
Back to basics
I need to know how to meet people, oops, I'll reiterate, GUYS (preferably gay and open) again.
I don't know, it seems the avenues and co-curricular activities I pursue seem to bring about the nicest, perhaps funnest of melding of minds. I meet a lot of fun people (guys and girls and often much younger than myself give the entry level of my interests and the field itself) but ... but ...
I don't meet guys.
And I'm pursuing local theater.
Something wrong, no?
Wonderwall
I like to watch good children's movies. Its well crafted, especially since the new slew of them on the silver screen are based, and let's hope well adapted for screen, on books - relatively good books too. Or classics. Can't go wrong with the classics.
But anyhow, I want to watch 'Bridge to Terabitha'.
Yet, I would love movies like '300'. The gritty - surreal ambiance of the theme and content, story and muscley men, yes; I'll indulge in some vapidness- Half-Nekkid muscley men.
I just won't watch them back to back.
I think I'll lose something in the transition.
'Oh, didn't see you there, must've dropped you, hello brain ..."
Home and Rent
I might as well start poking about (Sobs .... for more than one thing) ...
I want to move closer to KL, where would you recommend and how much for room rental in your suggested area?
Thanks.
And I'm a decent housemate, that can give backrubs, massages, warm to cuddle to in cold rainy nights and I do bath-foot massages (or know the best places).
---
An unfortunate causality of being raised practical (of course what remains as life practices is debatable) - is being a worrier.
I can tone it down, I can withhold it, but the machinations of the my mind will continue to drone on and on in the back of my head. I'm particularly tolerant yet hostile towards nagging because of my own nasty little worrywarts sprouting in my grey pink matter.
T get up to work, ok ... so I get back in the evening. But wait, there's theatre rehearsals now, almost every night; ok, but I have to get home and do the freelance jobs I've taken and I still behind some commissions. So ... if I deviate
If I choose
If I decide to take a little longer eating with friends after theatre, stay back at work, I have to cancel one or the other things or simply delay them to the next day. Not even the luxury of procrastination.
Bah, and I'm trying to squeeze some home exercise in between and try my darndest to control and watch my diet.
I wanna be Barbie.
She can do everything.
Except bend at the knees. No matter what, I NEED bendable knees and elbows! Its essential to uhmm ... the more physical visceral pleasurable aspects to my life!
Tire
I want more rest. I would like company when I rest.
I feel demanding, well deserved as it may be, I do feel a little bad about it too. Yet I know I still want to demand it. Definitely.
Back to basics
I need to know how to meet people, oops, I'll reiterate, GUYS (preferably gay and open) again.
I don't know, it seems the avenues and co-curricular activities I pursue seem to bring about the nicest, perhaps funnest of melding of minds. I meet a lot of fun people (guys and girls and often much younger than myself give the entry level of my interests and the field itself) but ... but ...
I don't meet guys.
And I'm pursuing local theater.
Something wrong, no?
Wonderwall
I like to watch good children's movies. Its well crafted, especially since the new slew of them on the silver screen are based, and let's hope well adapted for screen, on books - relatively good books too. Or classics. Can't go wrong with the classics.
But anyhow, I want to watch 'Bridge to Terabitha'.
Yet, I would love movies like '300'. The gritty - surreal ambiance of the theme and content, story and muscley men, yes; I'll indulge in some vapidness- Half-Nekkid muscley men.
I just won't watch them back to back.
I think I'll lose something in the transition.
'Oh, didn't see you there, must've dropped you, hello brain ..."
Home and Rent
I might as well start poking about (Sobs .... for more than one thing) ...
I want to move closer to KL, where would you recommend and how much for room rental in your suggested area?
Thanks.
And I'm a decent housemate, that can give backrubs, massages, warm to cuddle to in cold rainy nights and I do bath-foot massages (or know the best places).
---
Whats your Seduction Style?
http://www.seductiveshorts.com/#goods/quiz
===
the Midas Touch
---
Everything you touch turns to gold, and it kind of creeps us out.
You're completely calculating, but then, you also have a good heart, and you are a really nice person.
We'd judge, but you keep using your powers for good, not evil, and thats totally charming and sweet.
Aww, look at you.
Youre so bloody nice.
Its like, we could curl up on your lap and feel safe, and drink cocoa and solve the world's problems through cuddling.
Thats your superpower: cuddles.
===
I absolutely Adore cuddling!
I wasn't too happy wit ha few rods but its ok, its still good, I have superpowers!
---
7 comments:
I know we don't know each other very well, and I hope I'm not stepping over any boundaries by saying this, but I feel so connected to you by this post. I was raised practical, and one of my three top Syar-modes is "Stress and Worry". I need to know how to meet guys (straight, although a few gay friends can't hurt me right?).I too feel guilty of demanding a lot.
So anyway, it sounds like you've a lot on your plate. It sucks to have so many balls up in the air but I know you wouldn't want to give up wither the theatre or the work right? After April (that's when Screwed's playing, kan? I'm so there) maybe it'll be calmer. Just try and steal as many restful pockets of time as you can. Don't burn yourself out.
As for the housing situation, I'm a bad person to ask cause I'm still living with the rents. The very best of luck though, you'd make a great roomie!
---
Well, you can only connect with someone when ... uhmm ... fiond something to connect to :D, thats how you get to know soemone better and weller!
And if you were stepping over any boundaries, trust me ... I'd tell you.
Funny you say about not wanting to give up on either of them.
My contract is running out soon but I have to find another job reallllly soon after. Thats why I was thinking somewhere in KL
It might be in KL.
in KLPac.
But I'd have to resolve my schedule. It could be toughter coming to PJ from KL after work (traffic!), and I have to take a week off to go to Penang for a show. --- sigh --- But of all places, KLPac would understand most, no?
I guess resting, wouldnt be so bad if I could cuddlez up to soneone to call my own. Or to wrap, spooned warmly, snuggled and curled into the crook of his warm body.
(( sigh ))
---
By not giving up on one I mean you love theatre but you need a job, non? My college is pushing that reality in my face right now.
KLPac would understand. Man, I'd be stressed if I were you too, I know that's not helping, but know you're not the only one who's bursting arteries and swoonily sighing.
Think of all the time you waste sleeping. You've never needed sleep much, just give it up alltogether :P ... Kidding, thats an unhealthy line to follow. Don't burn yourself out G. if things do get too busy for you to handle, let that practical nature of yours have full reign, line up your priorities and let some stuff go, or at least cut back.for example, would your free-lance stuff be able to make up the difference if you only got a part-time job? or are part time jobs too ahrd to get and free-lance work too unpredictable? its pretty easy to get part time work here, I don't know what the emplyment situation in M'sia is like though.
Syar
Well, thats certainly unfortunate isn't it. The whole job and reality issue.
Thats life sucking in motion.
I wouldn't mind, as you say, busting arteries - if I knew I had someone special. I was that way with my ex's. No matter how shitty it was for me, it really helped I could call him every night and listen to his day. It calmed mine down.
It was .... yea, it just was.
Rav'n
I know ... my Mom used to ask me to take naps, and I used to retort, 'But thats wasting time ..." I think I was 6 when I said that.
I guess I'm looking for rest, shit I can just lay back and enjoy doing, pointless art, writing, listening to music, singing or just staring at the ceiling ...
I have already begun to cut out things. Things that are hard to let go, like I only run my RPG game once amonth if I have the chance- so I can keep up my freelance on the weekends. Even going late nights out for drink, I have begun staying home to prep up for the following days work.
To be honest, I think doing part time and freelancing if a worthwhile reality to pursue, but it isn't enough in dear ol' paternity eyes. I've had enough lectures about the benefits of a full-time job and shit.
He knows little about the industry to say things and less still about the kind of 'benefits' a dull time employed designer 'gets' or lacks thereof.
I could even get 2 part time jobs and have time for myself, but he rears his head up and it starts all over again.
The things is, as busy as things can get now, it seems necessary. The freelance work with my contract supplements decently. but I'm pressured into getting full time employments. If Sucks when I come back to a pile of employments job newspaper cut out,s each hilights and marked for easy reference and location listing and 'notes'.
It equally sucks when he calls a few to casually ask, what, who they're hiring and base pay.
shit shit shit.
Re. cutting thigs out: daaaamn boy, yer growing up :P.
As far as the job thing goes, if having 1 or 2 part time jobs and doing freelance work is not only a feasible thing but potentially an advantage to your career or in your industry, pursue it. Like I said, you have to get out of there and stop living your life his way becuase thats obviously pretty detrimental to you. If you could find a way to distance yourself or stop caring about his attempts to control and direct you then you could stick around, but from what I've seen thats something that you've never been able to do. Can't you just do it your way without actually telling him? Let him keep believing that you're in a full time job or something. I don't normally condone lying like that but its not so much lying as it is not disclosing the whole truth.
As for your mom, I was wondering. What if you moved out and then made an effort to visit at least once a week or so. Would that help take some of the pressure off her while still keeping you in a healthier environment most of the time? From the way you make it sound, between work and rehersals you're barely at home anyway.
Yea, its seems to ...
well I should be used to living deception eh, even thuogh I'm trying my best to be firthright about everything, especially when ti comes to being myself.
Odd, that I have to choose covert means to find freedom - but thats life.
Most everything I've done so far is without telling him. TO be honest, I get jobs and quit and do theater and write; all without his knowledge, but it only goes so far till he has to know something anyways, but its usually long after that fact. I think that mostly riles him up too- and he tells my mother off because she usually knows before him or rather he accuses her of knowing it before he finds out about it.
I am barely home, but its the fact that I do come home every night that they seem most comfortable with. Some days and nights I barely speak to him but late nights when my mom can't sleep and I come home, we talk and chat and catch up. He calculates the time we don't see each other and then when we do end up in the same room and I have nothing to do, he makes sure I make up for th nights I don't see him.
Yea, and the word is accurate, he times it too.
I'm ok with coming back to stay for the weekends.
I know i'd be ok with that,
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